When the World Comes Down
by THE-REJECT-LINE
Summary: Katniss and Cato have gotten along fine-maybe they even loved each other. But after Cato's sweet lies and desertion for another girl from his past, Katniss doesn't think she'll be able to love again. Can Cato change that? Will he turn back or will he forge ahead in a new life without Katniss? Will Katniss come out stronger, or will she crumble, without Peeta or Cato?
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

Looking up from underneath

Fractured moonlight on the sea

Reflections still look the same

Before I went under

And it's peaceful in the deep

Because either way you

Cannot breathe

No need to pray

No need to speak

Because now

I am under

-Never Let Me Go (Florence and the Machine)

The bright sun weaves its way to my eyes. I slowly begin to wake up, stretching my neck and back. I look over and I see him.

Cato.

My memories come rushing back to me, and I think of Peeta, my beautiful boy. The one who didn't make it out; instead, Cato, an alter ego, did. I try and bury all of my hurt, the pain from missing him. My stomach and lungs, and especially my heart, feels so heavy and empty. I close my eyes tightly and I let out a shaky breath. Please…please let this be a dream. Just a dream. I'm still in the arena, in the cave, in Peeta's arms and this is just a dream. I'll wake up…and instead of Cato, Peeta will be there.

I open my eyes, slowly. I look over on the large bed. He's still there, that…that…stranger. He's a monster, and he's pitiless and gruesome, but most of all, he's a stranger to me. Even though his eyes are like Peeta's, physically, Cato's will never have the same feel behind them. Those few silent glimpses of them prove it.

I slowly make my way over to my closet, and I pick out something to wear. I slowly put on the shirt, and pulling up the pants seemed to take forever. I felt so…old. I felt so heavy, so gravid, so pained. I lace my shoes with stiff fingers, fumbling with the small ends. I push my way out of the train compartment.

Suddenly, I can't breathe. Like, I can't _breathe, _and I feel tears welling up in my eyes. They slowly cut a wet ribbon down my cheeks. I slump down in the hallways, and try to keep my sobs silent. I murmur Peeta's name over and over, saying how sorry I am. I slowly shiver…I let out shaky breaths.

I don't know how long I stayed like that. It could've been hours. Cato was probably awake, and he probably wouldn't care that I wasn't there, on the pure white sheets, like the lover's we're supposed to be. Some thing's were too painful to bring up…the fact that Cato and I, not Peeta, was one of them. I start to silently cry again. Silently.

"Sweetheart," I hear a voice say. Haymitch.

"What?" I bite back. I try to stop crying. I sniffle back everything in a loud huff.

"Are you okay? Why don't you get some breakfast…"

"Do I look okay?" I say, turning my face towards him.

He inhales sharply. He tugs me up by my elbow and I reluctantly follow him.

We arrive at the dining compartment where I slowly pick at my food. Cato's spot was empty, but everyone else was there—Haymitch, Effie, and me.

They tried talking to me, poking and prodding at me as if I were a science experiment gone wrong. I grumbled, and eventually left the table. I kept my head down as I blindly made my way back to my—no, _our_—bedroom.

I open the door and close it quietly, and tiptoed my way across the room. I kept to the side of the room, and ducked under the large closets and chairs. I prayed that Cato was showering. I collapse into a soft chair, the one in the corner of the room with bright purple upholstery and bright green flowers sewed onto the sides. But my bow was there, and I stroked the smooth wood where my hands would be. It was a habit I've started—sit in the revolting chair, off to the side in the shadows, to stroke my one comfort.

Cato doesn't seem to be anywhere. Which is odd—I saw him this morning. But I don't mind. It's peaceful by myself. I close my eyes and try to imagine what life would be like with Peeta…

I don't get time to. Cato bursts in, startling me. He rushed right past me, not saying a word. We just coldly nod at each other. Then he turns, and heads into the bathroom, probably to shower or brush his teeth. When he's out of sight, I shoot up out of my seat. I make a beeline for the door…maybe we don't have to stick around together all day. It's better if we're alone, separate. The interview already proved that…the backstage fiasco, Cato's harsh words, my fist connecting with his face. He then slapped me, leaving a splayed, red mark across my face. After that, I stormed away, barely containing my tears. We've hardly talked ever since.

I wander around the train, with nothing better to do. Except avoid Cato, of course. I am so mad; why are they doing this to me? Damn Snow! I can't see my family, even after the tour is done. They're keeping me at the Capitol, with Cato, at the expense of the people at the Capitol. The rage boils silently in me, but once I overflow, I'll burst. A few nights I would have to stuff my mouth with my fist, to prevent myself from screaming too loudly. Why? Why am I forced to suffer? I was too late—I couldn't save Peeta; he was bleeding too quickly, the life pouring out of him along with the sticky blood. And when he went still, when I couldn't wake him up, that's when I tried to jump off of the edge of the Cornucopia, into the mutts down below. But then the announcements came on:

"I give you the two winners of the seventy-fourth Hunger Games! Katniss Everd…"

All I wanted to do, was die, right there. There will never be life after without Peeta there. Here, to protect me. Cato couldn't match up to him—he never would be able to. He's so morbid, so…so heartless. Unbearable.

I end up in the dining compartment again, but it was dark this time, and there wasn't any food put out. I sat in one of the ghastly chairs and closed my eyes. _Please, someone take me away from here…_I'd give anything to see Prim again, and her little duck-like demeanor.

I let out a sigh and I shiver. I hate this, I hate how Peeta isn't there to comfort me everyday.

A series of loud thuds snaps me out of my thoughts. I see Cato approaching me, plopping down into a seat in front of me. He looks deep into my eyes, and grabs my hand.

I look into his eyes too, and I think he gets it—the pain. We might've won the Hunger Games—but at a cost. So many people have died in them, their lives cut short. And, the pain, and the fact that our families are not there to help us, support us.

Cato's hand feel's surprisingly nice. It was warm, with a few callouses. He leaned over the table and I did the same in suit. We leaned our foreheads together, and we both shut our eyes. We didn't love each other, but we at least needed each other.

AN: Review please, and if you think Katniss is waaay too depressed, imagine watching 22 kids get killed, including the love of your life, and then being stuck with some random stranger she has to love. And not to mention, she's under a lot of pressure (family, Snow watching her every move, Peeta not there).

I hope you enjoyed this first chapter!


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

I don't know how long we were like that, connected and understanding, in the dark, cool room. I slowly open my eyes, and see that I am the first one doing so.

He's the first one to speak, though. "Let's hope for the best, and pray that we'll see our families soon."

I nod in agreement. "I hate this," I say out loud. "I hate being forced to do this, and I hate that I have to be stuck with a random stranger."

"Am I really that…unknown to you?"

I stare straight into his eyes and I nod.

He lets go of my hand and leans back, nodding too as if he was upset, or maybe finally understanding something.

"Cato, I didn't mean it like that," I plead. "It's just…we've slept in the same bed, but…I don't even know if you have any siblings, or what your favorite type of weather is and all."

"I know, I understand. I was just thinking the same thing."

"I…I—" I'm trying to say something, but I don't know what. That we should get to know each other better? Never. My shell will never crack, my walls will never crumble; I like the fact that sometimes, I cannot feel anything. No love, no fear, no heartache.

"I have to go," I say instead. He nods, and walks over to my side to help me up. I take his hand, almost crushing it, and I get up. Without a word, I start heading back to our compartment. He follows behind me without a word.

I—no—we, collapse in our room, on the bed. The world was falling on us; we were just so tired of it. As a silent gesture, a silent offer of peace for this silent moment, I take his hand. I give three squeezes, not knowing why. But I feel three squeezes back. I feel him turn, to look at me. I can feel his eyes throw rather affectionate icicles at me, but I just ignore him. I keep my face to the ceiling.

It was starting to become silent. It was silent before, but now, it was _silent. _I could hear Haymitch four doors down complaining about something. And here we were, holding hands, wide awake, lying down next to each other.

I broke the silence. It's weird, because your voice is all cracky—you're not sure how you might sound, speaking all of a sudden.

"Do you have and brothers or sisters?" I ask, tensing up.

He tenses up too. "I have a brother and two sisters, all younger."

I nod. Now what? Oh, I know: "What's your favorite kind of weather?" I ask, with a slight smile swiped across my face.

I finally look over at him and I see that he is kind of smiling too. "Depends," he replies. "If I want to train, then it can be rainy or sunny. If I'm going somewhere, like on a da—I mean, like a party, then it has to be sunny. And then when it's a lay day, where I'm by myself, or when I'm thinking, I prefer it to be rainy. You?"

"Sunny and warm. Always sunny and warm. Hunting, you know? Don't wanna catch a cold out there." _And because when it's sunny, I don't have to remember that rainy day…where Peeta came and gave me the bread when I was emaciated._

He nods. "What's your talent or whatever gonna be?"

The talent. Right… "I don't have one, yet, I guess. It's so stupid, why do we need one? I mean, I'd count hunting illegally as one, but then, it's illegal."

I hear him sort of give a half chuckle, where you just let out a huff of air while smiling. "I think mine is cooking, no joke."

At least it's not baking, I think quietly to myself. Don't feel, Katniss, don't feel…don't think about Peeta or you'll start crying…

I just silently blink and murmur out 'cool'. I turn over to my side with my back facing him. I let out a sigh, and realize how tired I am. Last night was full of twists and a hogged comforter—it was dreamless though, so that was good. I decide that I'm going to take a nap.

"I'm tired, so I'm going to sleep a bit," I announce. I don't expect him to say anything—I just expect him to nod and possibly leave. Instead, he says something that makes my eyebrows arch up.

"Yeah, I'm going to take a rest too, I was so cold last night that I couldn't sleep too well."

"YOU were cold? You had the comforter and the blankets all to yourself, while I was left out there on the mattress, freezing!"

"Aw, well then why didn't you snuggle up with me?" he says, mocking me.

I huff. I only will if it ever gets cold enough.

Cato starts taking off his shirt and pants. I do the same in suit, and then I pull on a comfortable shirt. We tell an avox to close the windows and the curtains, and the door. We snuggle in the king sized bed. We're facing each other but not touching…at least his eyes are closed. I lie in a trance, half awake, half sleepy. My eyes are open a crack when I see that his eyes are too. My eyes spring open, and I turn my back to him. That bastard…that's my trick!

I feel someone's arm snake around me, and I feel myself being pulled into his warm body. I don't mind the extra heat. I feel…safer, like an extra wall has been set up around me, designed to make me forget all of my troubles and worries. I tuck my head under his chin, and I drift into a fitful sleep.

It's silent. I look around me, but it's so dark. I can't see where my hands are, I just feel them. I walk in circles (at least I think they're circles) and I don't know what's happening…where am I? How did I get here? What's in the darkness…

A feeling of fear pushes into my chest, making me feel as if I'm expanding. My hands shake a bit, and my legs feel as if they could give out any second. I know there's something there, waiting and lurking for me in the world of gloom, I know it's menacing, and that it's faster than me, stronger, and that it might be after me. I just don't know what.

That's when I hear it. The sound of saliva dripping, and claws clicking against the floors. And that's when the lights turn on. I'm on a stone cliff, and in front of me, is the biggest, most terrifying mutt the capitol has ever probably created. It's around a third of my height, and it looks crudely made. It's fur is mangled and scarred, and it's made up of pure muscle.

That's when it leaps up, pouncing on me. Or at least it almost did. My legs start to move, flinging me out of the way. I run across the ground, trying to catch my breath and trying to make my legs feel less numb. I see the cliff ahead…if I can make it, then I don't have to endure the pain of being chewed with sharp fangs and dull, painful grinders, slowly ripped apart. I can jump off of it and end my left less painfully.

Twenty yards…fifteen…ten…I'm going to make it…five…and then I collapse. The mutt is on me, and I swear, my heart is about to bust outta my chest from all of the anxiety, horror, adrenaline. My body goes numb, almost as if it were preparing for what would happen next. I look into the mutt's fce.

The eyes. They're blue…like Peeta's? But he'd never do that to me, never. I look deeper, and I see pain, regret, loss. Love. But on the outside, they were frigid and dull, and hard as the arctic ice.

Cato.

**AN: Please review! Tell me what you think of it so far. Thanks**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

I wanna stand up!

I wanna let you go

You know-You know

No

You don't-You don't

I wanna shine on

-All These Things I've Done (Killers)

I wake up, and I feel myself being shaken. I am panting heavily, and I hear myself let out strangled moans, whimpers, and a scream. I pop my eyes open, and see it's Cato shaking me out of my nightmare. This just pursues me to scream again; I bolt from the bed, feeling miraculously cool from the evaporating sweat on my body. It's around dusk, so maybe no one will find me if I hide…everyone's probably getting ready to go to bed.

No…not Cato…I have to get away from here…I…I have to be somewhere, I just don't know…I keep on running, my feet thumping against the train carpeting. Cato's a mutt, I knew it. MY breath catches in my throat, but I keep on running.

That's when I feel a strong pair of arms grab my arm. It's him again, I know it, I know it, I know it…I turn around and I feel as if my terror is pouring out of me, rolling out of me in waves, rising to the surface of my eyes, and making me tremble.

He pulls me into a hug and tells me it was just a dream. And then I realize.

It was just a dream.

I start putting my arm around his neck and I bury my face in his chest. Everything about our body's touching. It's comfortable, when I realize that I'm hugging a…a monster.

I abruptly let go when I feel my heart settle down. I walk away from him, slowly and calmly back to the bed. He follows me a bit later. I can tell he's hurt; I see his eyes stabbing into my back, longing for me. But he just stands there, trying to keep his pain down.

We're both on the bed now, and we face each other. "Tell me about the dream," he asks me quietly.

"It was…" I stammer, "It was about you. Y-you were a mutt, and you were after me. I was so scared, and I just couldn't…couldn't get away. Then, you were going to—"

"Sh, you're awake, I'm not a mutt; it was just a dream," he calmly replies. We stare into each other's eyes, but, it was _scary _for me. The eyes in my nightmare…I really wonder if he is hurt, if there's something more to him. He almost looks lonely. The way he looks at me is as if I were the last person in his life. His grip on me is so tight; my arms were tingling a bit. I pull out of his grasp and move away. I'm fine now, my breathing's regular, and the fear in my chest is gone. I don't need a stranger to hold me.

I know Cato is hurt, without looking at him. I can tell he hasn't moved, and that he is just staring at my back. It's weird, how is it that someone like Cato, who is so aloof and cold, would be so lonely and yearning for company? I'll never understand. He can be caring sometimes; he's cooked us dinner once when he snuck into the train kitchen, and he's always hugged me and kissed me tenderly. But I've always stood there, as still as a statue, unable to move. I want to move, but I can't. Am I too shocked? Do I just not care for him? I feel so…bad, like I'm the monster here. Cato is trying to help me, and I just turn my back to him. But it's not my fault…I don't feel anything for him, right?

He doesn't even bother to get out of the bed or touch me affectionately, not even an arm pat or an arm around my waist. I feel tears welling up in my eyes. I just wish it was Peeta. Then, things wouldn't be so awkward. But here I am, with Cato, rather awkwardly. The silence is almost like a solid wall separating us.

"You don't like me too much, do you?" he asks.

I don't even know how to respond. I don't want to say yes; I don't exactly hate him. But I don't want to say no, because it's not as if I love him, or like him more than anything he should be. But poor Cato. He can be so precious and fragile sometimes, I don't want to shatter his heart.

I don't answer. Instead, I turn around and scooch over on the bed, so that our bodies are nearly touching. We share the same breathing air; that's how lose we are. I think he's about to kiss me…he's leaning down, and he grabs my hips. He leans his head down to me, his lips pink and perfect. God no, God no, God no…

At the last moment, I turn my head and he kisses my cheek instead. He pulls back surprised. He looks at me, his eyebrows raised, but in his eyes I see he's a little hurt. Without thinking, I smile at him. Maybe he'll think I'm just not ready for all that passionate, intimate stuff.

After a while, he smiles back at me too, but it's crooked and brief. I see him forcing the corners of his pretty mouth up, but his eyebrows are a bit scrunched up. How can I tell him…that I will never love him as much as Peeta? He's like a little boy, and here I am, telling him that I will always give more ice cream to another boy.

Maybe if I get to know him better, I'll like him better. Maybe. I'm so petrified of letting go of Peeta. If I forget Peeta, it's like forgetting…how to breathe. Just the thought of forgetting him makes my eyes tear up. I'm never letting him go.

I feel a gentle hand brush at my cheeks. I cock my head back and I see Cato gently wiping my wet cheeks…I stifle back a sniffle and I shudder, overcome with pain. How is it that Peeta's not here, but Cato? Why have they done this to me? What have I done to deserve this? What has Cato done to deserve life? It should be Peeta, sweet, gentle Peeta that should be living.

I feel the hand again and this time, I let it carress my cheek; there are no tissues around anyways. I never asked for this. I never asked for Cato. I'm going to find myself some tissues.

I push myself off of the bed, using his chest to push myself up. He doesn't complain. But He does when he sees me get up and walking away from him.

"Where're you going?"

"I'm just…gonna get something to eat," I lie.

"Okay? That's weird to be eating at this time."

"Well, it's like, nine, and we haven't had dinner," I reply coldly.

"Why don't I join you then? For a late dinner?" he asks with a smile.

"NO! I mean—I'd rather just eat by myself," I say, and I turn on my heel and walk out the door, not waiting for his reaction. I never asked for his company in the first place. I just wanted peace and quiet back home, without him. In fact, if I just killed him on the Cornucopia, or better yet, if I killed myself, I wouldn't have to be stuck here bending towards the will of Snow and the Capitol. Maybe if I pretend Cato isn't there, he won't be there. Yeah…maybe that's it.

I don't go and eat something, like I said I would. Instead, I go to the back of the train. I push open a small metal door. I'm at the back of the train, out in the open. During the night, the forest around us and the tracks, seem to blur together. A cool wind whips across my cheeks and raises the hairs on my arms.

That poor bastard Cato. Trying to get something he can't get, I think to myself. I look out at the ever changing scene. It's moving so fast…just imagine, if you climbed over this railing, and jumped off, you could end all of this and be with Peeta.

It was so tempting. It was so easy. But for some reason…my heart wasn't into it. I didn't feel like moving. So I just stood there and watched the trees pass by, and listened to the occasional screeches being emitted by the train.

I turned, and went back inside.

**AN: Thank you for all the reviews! I appreciate them! But I just wanna say that the more reviews I get, the more likely I'm going to update! **


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

I swing myself back into the compartment and I land on the bed with a hard thud. I check to see if Cato is still awake. I move the mass of comforters…

…and find that he's not there. Hm…where could he be? The covers are still warm. I stand up and go to the bathroom. I knock on the door. No answer. I cautiously push in, but everything is still—the marble is as shiny as ever, the shower still has a billion buttons.

If he's not anywhere around here…then he must be somewhere out in the hallway or another room. Obviously.

I pull on a soft grey sweatshirt. It's so soft…and so big. I realize it's Cato's and I immediately pull it off. I consider taking a shower, but I decide to just wrap a cardigan of mine around me, and to look for Cato first. I'll shower later, I guess. Just for comforts sake. Oddly, I think Cato's scent is quite enticing. It was warm and masculine. I wanted to bury my face into his sweatshirt, but then, I realized that I'd be betraying Peeta.

I step out, barefoot, barely making a sound. I look for signs of sound, light, or movement behind any of the doors. The rug keeps my feet somewhat warm, as I pad silently down the dark hallway on my tippy toes. I use my hunting tread to quietly prowl down the halls. I nearly lose my balance when I hear a door open, but it was just an avox heading the opposite way of me. I let out a sigh of relief and get back on my toes. I stop next to a door that had a low light glimmering through the door cracks.

I strain my ears. Everything was so still, so quiet, it was deafening, almost as if a solid block of silence was being shoved in your ear. I waited. I don't know how long I was like that, all tensed up with my calves hurting from being on the balls of my feet too long. I was waiting for something. Anything. I guess there's nothing here…I'm just waiting here, all tensed up like an idiot. I was just about to leave when I heard it.

A few muffled voices; that's what I heard. I fall onto the heels of my feet, relaxing my legs for a bit.

"I don't get it. Why does she hate me so much?" Cato. Definitely Cato.

"Give her time, she's bound to come jumping into your lap one day." The voice is slightly slurred but it has that caustic undertone to it. Haymitch. And what the heck? I won't be 'jumping' in anyone's lap anytime soon. Unless it's Peeta's.

"Don't! Don't joke with me. This is serious."

"Geez kid, I was just jo—I mean, when did you ever get so serious about love? It's puppy love for you anyways. I don't think Katniss will ever fall for anyone, except Peeta."

_So true,_ I think. I hear a smash and a few thumps. Oh God…Cato. I hope Haymitch is okay. Cato could probably overpower Haymitch easily, considering that he's nearly twice his size.

"Don't say that! I'll make her love me then." I scoff at Cato's words.

"Oh, well, good luck with that…"

Another thump.

I think I've heard enough. I walk quietly back to my compartment, thinking about the overheard conversation. For once, I'm grateful for Haymitch defending me, reasoning for me. So that I wouldn't have to face Cato himself, maybe. Haymitch somehow…always sees through me. He can read me so easily, no matter how high my walls are, no matter how much of a mask my face is.

"Katniss." His voice stops me in my tracks. Shoot, it's Cato.

I turn around, and see he's only a few paces away. "What?" I ask him. I shouldn't have taken my merry time…I should've bolted away from him, because then, he wouldn't have done what he's doing right now.

He comes over to me, until our chests are nearly touching. He looks down. I look back, deep into his eyes, refusing to be the first person to look away.

"Katniss," he begins. "I want you to marry me."

**AN: What did you think of this chapter? Please review! Thank you for those who have! I appreciate it. But I just want to let you guys know that the more reviews I get, the more likely I'm going to update! Sorry this chapter was kind of short…**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

I stand there, stunned. What? I…I don't know how to respond. Why am I so considerate about his feelings? I should just flat out say no. I realize I'm clutching his shoulder, and that he looks eagerly at me with a bright smile. His white teeth gleam in the low light.

"Cato, I…" I tremble a bit. Well, I'm going to have to marry him anyways—the Capitol will demand it sooner or later. Anyways, if we do get married, then maybe Snow will leave us alone.

But I still can't imagine myself saying the simple word: yes.

Yes—it could change my life. It could bind me to Cato for the rest of my life, which is something I don't really want…Peeta. And Peeta; I couldn't possibly betray him like this.

Maybe it's better if I don't answer. I tug on Cato's shoulder, and I lead him back to our room.

I hop onto the bed, and I look at Cato, he still looks at me, expectantly.

Well, I guess I'll have to say it, since he isn't getting the message.

"Cato, I don't know yet. I don't think I'm ready for it…I still have Peeta to consider."

Cato shakes his head in disbelief.

"What?"

"Is a dead corpse really standing between us? Why can't you just say yes? It's so easy."

"Peeta was the only thing I had left! He loved me, and…and I loved him too. A lot. And he's not a dead corpse!"

"HE'S DEAD! HE'S DEAD FOR GOD'S SAKE; JUST SAY YES!"

"Peeta will _never _be dead to me. He'll always be a part of me," I say quietly to myself. My voice was so low, that it nearly blended in with the quiet hum of the train.

Cato heard anyways. He hits the wall with his fist, and it leaves a nice dent in the wall. "He's dead," he states quietly. He leaves our compartment.

I fall back into the soft mattress and pull the comforters over me. I lie awake before falling asleep. What if I did say yes? Would Cato be lying next to me right now, his arms awkwardly wrapped around me?

I fall asleep before I could even think about it too much. But in a way, I was happy I didn't have to think about a relationship with Cato.

Cato puts an arm over me. We're in the arena again…

Cato uses his hand to cover my eyes. Wait—what? Cato what're doing? I hear metal clash against metal. I hear someone else let out a groan. I hear A sword slice through the air. Another groan. And then someone cries out.

Peeta—it's Peeta that's crying out. He lets out sounds that make my skin prickle, that wrench my heart out.

"Cato, stop," I plead. I try to see Peeta, I try to see him. But I can't. Cato is too strong, he mutilates Peeta and I can't do anything. I just have to stand there and hear Peeta suffer at Cato's hand.

I wake up, and find that the room is completely dark. I look around for Cato, but he's not there. Should I be relieved or should I be upset about it? I notice that the sheets are a little damp, and that I'm basically a human river of sweat.

I make my way to the bathroom and I decide to take a shower. I was absolutely filthy. It was like…swimming in the salty ocean and not showering off. Yes, I felt gritty, s=damp and sticky all at once.

I peel my clothes off and throw them on the ground with a loud thump. I hop into the large shower which was about ten miles wide and ten miles high. A push a few random buttons, just smacking the panel with my hand. I was too tired to care, or rather, too shaken up. My stomach was basically a NY street map—twisted, crinkled and absolutely…confusing. Cato's question and the nightmare both contribute to the topography.

I realize that the water is as cold as ice. I shut my eyes and I just let it run over me, embracing me. I was burning up anyways. What time is it?

Without thinking, I step out of the shower naked and I run back to the bedroom and I check the digital clock. Good God, it's 3:08 in the morning.

And, good God, Cato's right there, lying on the covers. He's staring at me, with wide eyes. I swear my face turned so red that even a tomato would be jealous. I sprint back to the bathroom, hopping in the shower.

How could I face him again? Should I just…sleep in the shower? The idea was ludicrous. But I don't want to have an awkward space between Cato and me.

Now I was really mad. It's all Cato's fault; why the fuck was Cato there? He was gone and he just happened to be there. I just wish it was Peeta; then he wouldn't look at me as if I were some tart or a whore. Cato…I hate that kid. The stranger, that thinks that sweet Peeta is nothing but a dead lump of flesh.

I smash my fist into the panel of buttons. A slight dent appears, but I just keep on punching trying to make the dent into a little crater. With each thrust of my fist, I let out a strangled angry cry.

That's when I pass out.

I wake up and fine that it's light. White covers, white gauzy curtains. Cato isn't seen anywhere. I bolt straight up, wondering how I got here. I remember a freezing cold shower and me punching the shower…was that true? Did I collapse because I was too tired, too agonized? In too much pain?

I walk over to the bathroom and see that my thoughts were correct. I had a fist fight with a wall and lost the match. I look around aimlessly for something, anything else. I know it was Cato that probably carried me to the bed; no one else is strong enough to do so. But where is he now? Why would he still do that for me even if he knows that I'd rather be anywhere than here with him? He doesn't seem to realize what a horrifying creature he is, or can be…

I don't feel like facing Cato again. It feels like him seeing me naked isn't that big of a deal any more. I don't think I've ever been naked in front of anyone else except for him. Changing around Prim can sometimes be a little awkward, her being a little girl. And I have never really…been in touch with my mom, so why would I ever get in my birthday suit in front of her?

I realize I'm naked right now and I crawl under the covers again, for the warmth and to cover myself. I hate exposure—it feels like too many of my blind points are hanging out for the world to see. I pull the comforters up to my chin and snuggle in, when I realize how late it is.

It's noon.

I snuggle in a bit deeper and let my eyes close, before I decide to get up and see what's going on. I wrap myself in the blanket and look for something to wear.

I dress simply, and I head out of the train. I go barefoot out onto the carpeted hallways and wander around, seeing who's where. Haymitch is completely drunk and passed out with vomit across his shirt in his room. The avox's are posted at their usual spots.

That's when I realize something.

I stand still feeling for a familiar hum that radiates from my feet and then up to my ankles.

I put my hand on the lower half of the wall for the familiar almost not-there vibrations.

Then, I confirm my theory.

The train has stopped.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

** Hey guys! Thanks for all the reviews, follows, favorites, etc. I just want to say thanks to thepinkmartini who has reviewed SO much! Thank you guys! I hope you guys enjoy this chapter…**

I don't know what to do. Should I just keep calm and brush it off? What's happening? Should I ask why the train has stopped? I decide to do the latter. I stand up and head to Effie's room—she'll probably know what's going on.

I push open the door to her room after I knocked gently. She was at her desk, with her back to me.

I cleared my throat, and I see her turn around. Her eyes were a bit strained, her lips in a tight smile.

"Yes dear? How can I help you?" she asks kindly.

"Why has the train stopped?" I ask her, rather bluntly.

"Dear, I don't know. But it's going to throw us off schedule. And then when we go to the Capitol, we'll be late and everyone will be disappointed…"

"Oh, Effie! Don't worry..." I respond, almost kindly. I turn to leave. The mystery is not yet over.

I turn left down the hall and I enter Haymitch's room. God, it smelled horrible—beer bottles were sprawled across the floor. Some clear glass pieces and a Gray Goose label were off in the corner, like an abandoned, abused child. I look around for a scraggly-haired, possibly passed-out Haymitch. I hold my breath, breathing in small sips in and out of my mouth.

Haymitch was passed out, half-naked on his bed. I don't bother waking him up. He would probably be too scary to deal with anyways and the last thing I need after a refused proposal is a chest of hair in my face. I leave.

I laugh at the thought of trying to ask the avox's. But then, I stopped smiling at my little idea of irony, because now there is only one person to ask: Cato. I shudder at the thought of the awkwardness. I almost think about just letting the mysterious train stop go; I almost don't even want to know why we were in the middle of the wild. Almost. I take a deep breath and look for Cato.

I don't see him, in the usual areas: the bedroom, our bathroom, the dining compartment, the little room with a large window. I don't see him anywhere. I look around some more, popping my head into place like the servant's headquarters. The kitchen, the rarely-used study. He isn't seen anywhere. Maybe Cato escaped the train…and we're looking for him? But I shoo the theory out of my mind. Cato wouldn't run from a problem—he'd fight it.

I look in literally every room on the train. I slam all the cabinets and closet doors open, I check behind every stinking door, but I can't seem to find him. I give up and I decide to rest somewhere. Cato is obviously avoiding me.

I quietly open the little metal door again. I step out into the cool breeze blowing around. It was nice being outside again and judging from the orchards and rows of corn around me, I'm in District 11. I close my eyes and I think about how different my life could be right now. I would be with Peeta. Or maybe, Prim would never have gotten picked by Effie's fateful hand I could be back home with my little duck. But then I never would've met Peeta. But then again, I wouldn't be in this mess with Cato and the Capitol and this stupid train.

I sit still for a bit, just enjoying my time out here. The sound of birds chirping and the leaves flowing makes me wish I had my bow and arrows. And Gale—I'd do anything to hunt right now. Just imagine…the sound of an arrow being let loose, Gale's praise, the hush of the forest.

A loud _thunk_ knocks me out of my day dreams. I snap my eyes open and I lean forward. I notice someone throwing…rocks? They are being thrown pretty far; the pebble lands somewhere out of my line of sight and somewhere into the orchards. The figure is tall and lean, with a little bulk across the chest and arms. Ashy blonde hair tops the figure—yup, it's Cato. I notice him go deeper into the trees, and out of curiosity, I follow him. Why would a rich, spoiled kid from District 2 be interested in a run-down, hard-working place? I hop over the railing and quietly land like a cat. I tread quietly over the ground and I start to follow him.

He disappears out of my sight for a few moments, but I find him. I duck behind a wide tree as he looks around. I hold my breath and I keep my body so still that it almost hurts. When he moves and loudly crunches across the ground, I let out a sigh of relief as I turn to follow quietly behind him.

We open up to a large street after ducking through countless apple trees and many rotten, mushy pieces of fruit. I continue following him, or should I say, stalking him. He looks around on the street for any horses or rickshaws. Then, keeping his head down, he's runs across the street. I do the same in suit, except I calmly walk across so I don't attract too much attention.

Cato continues down a small path, and then stops at a small run-down building. It's literally falling apart—the wood slats seem to be oozing out the sides and the paint wasn't even peeling because the small shack didn't have any. I press my back against the side of the building. I hear Cato step on the creaky steps. It's followed by a loud slam. Cato has entered this strange building.

I look to my right and see that there is a conveniently placed window. It's a little on the small side, but I can still see quite a lot through it. I see Cato come into view, and I duck my head down a bit. He seems to be looking around…his face is rather serious, as he begins to talk to a small, thick man. A lot of hand gestures…some head nodding…I see Cato pull something out of his pocket. He hands it to the man who is a good head or two shorter than him…

The small man leads him to a room directly in front of me. The shabby door is opened a little bit…but I can see well enough what's inside. A large bed, with bright red smooth sheets. On top of that is a girl. Her eyes are wide and brown, and her skin is as creamy as white chocolate. She smiles at Cato seductively.

Oh God.

This is a whorehouse. What the hell is Cato doing in here? The door closes with a loud creak as I bolt out of my position. I run around the whorehouse and I pull the main entrance door open with a loud slam—it was almost deafening. I stomp right in, with the small man still there and all (who's actually trying to stop me. But I overcome his small frame easily). I open the door to the room that holds Cato and that girl.

Cato has his shirt off, and his belt buckle undone. The girl is fully naked; she's scrambling to get under those gaudy red sheets. I don't even respond to her presence. Instead, I face Cato, who's bright red, staring at me.

"Cato! What the hell are you _doing _here?! You're in a brothel for Christ sake!"

"Um…well, I just…"

I don't even let him finish. "You just want sex huh? That's it…Good thinkg I didn't say yes to your stupid fucking proposal or else I'd be your little sex slave right now! You don't even love me!"

"That's not true!"

"Oh yeah, Cato? Then why're here right now, about to fuck this girl right here?"

Cato seems to sag a bit. He casts his eyes down. He begins to mumble something, but I can't hear a thing he's saying.

"Speak up!" I snap at him.

He takes a deep breath and straightens up a bit. "I just wanna be with someone," he says softly. "I just wanna have someone, to feel like I belong somewhere."

I stop shouting, and I stay silent for a while. And then I realize. I want to be with someone too. I've been so bitter and so angry, and hurting so bad because I had no one to help me carry the burden. It was time to let someone in—Cato has struck something in me. And I didn't care that a whore was in the same room as me, I went up to Cato and I hugged him. I rapped my arms around his waist and leaned my head against his smooth warm chest.

He seemed shocked at first, but he started to put his arms around me. It was like that night when he held me after the nightmare. He was there for me. He was my protector; I felt safe with him. So what if we were probably in the most run-down, inappropriate, half-hearted place? It was almost ironic where we were.

I tighten my grip around his chest and I run my hands across his back. I can hear him inhale deeply. He exhales rapidly, and breaks the embrace to grab his shirt. He buckles his belt, and we go outside of the shabby house.

We walk all the way back to the train. We walk silently, hand in hand. He didn't even question me about how I found him, which I'm thankful for. We just live the moment together.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

They got all the right moves

In all the right places

So, yeah

We're going down

Let's paint the picture

Of a perfect place

They got it better than what's anyone told you

There'll be the king of hearts

And you'll be the queen of spades

-All the Right Moves (One Republic)

I can hear them again. Cato and Haymitch—

"I told you! I told you I'd get her!" Cato's voice is happy and light. I could almost hear his smile.

"Wonderful. Now get out," I hear Haymitch say. My lips turn up a bit as I think about Haymitch…good, old Haymitch. But the smile drops as I think about the last conversation they had…I did end up jumping into his lap. Haymitch was a lot more…foreseeing than I thought he'd be. I think about Peeta too, how I said he'd be the only one for me. I feel my throat closing up, thinking about the fact that I'm never going to see Peeta again, and how I might move on without him but with Cato instead. I turn to go to bed. I hear the door open to our bedroom. I hear Cato cross the room in two steps, and he literally jumps on the bed. The mattress shakes, and I feel myself being pulled into a warm, strong body. I keep my back to him though, so that he might not see the tears I might shed. I don't want him to make a bid fuss out of something that isn't even his, and I don't feel like explaining…Peeta…to him.

Cato whispers something in my ear…but I'm thinking of Peeta right now. I feel his lips brush the top of my ear…but I squeeze my eyes tightly, thinking about Peeta. His soft lips, and how his hands would always hold mine, no matter if mine were sweaty, or if I don't even need hand holding. He was always there for me. I wonder if Cato might be the same…or if he'd just be a spoiled little kid. I hope Cato really loves me. I don't think I love him yet…he's just someone who's a close friend. At least we're following Snow's plan, of making me possibly live with Cato forever just so the Capitol can poke fun at us. Ah, yes…Snow. He's definitely evil, even more so…than…one of those old-day villains…like this one person I remember, the young king from the Game of Thrones…

I shudder at the thought of Snow controlling my life. It was so…chilling. I started to freeze up, but I decided to not worry about it. I'm with someone, and I might as well stop freaking myself out. I shut out my thoughts, close my eyes, and snuggle into Cato's arms. Ah…much better. I try and make myself sleep…but all I can think of is…now. That all of a sudden, I'm here, in _Cato's _arms. It feels odd, but for some reason, it feels like…I can finally take down some walls, because Cato is now my shield. I try and turn around to see if this is really true. I had to look at his face, just to make sure everything was…meant, or for certain. I shift myself in Cato's arms. I gaze at his face, and find that he's asleep.

His pink lips were parted slightly, and I realized that his lashed were beautiful, and separate—not all clumpy or the wrong shade. He had a very structured face, with a strong jaw and nice angles etched into his cheeks. I lightly traced those areas, relishing the feeling of the smooth, pale skin. His hair was perfectly tousled—all different shades of yellow could be seen. But I was mostly staring at his lips. They were different from Peeta's. They were thinner, and they were a lighter shade of pink. But they were still enchanting. Enticing, alluring, captivating. I looked into Cato's eyes again, and realized that he was staring at my lips too. I knew what was going to happen…but for some reason, I was fine with it. Was it because…it's been too long? That I'm looking for someone to comfort me too?

It happened a lot sooner than I expected. Cato's soft lips brushed against mine, and my lips received his. My stomach flip-flopped, and I felt a deep breath heave my chest against his. His lips weren't dominating, but they were still commanding. He slipped his tongue into my mouth, and I let him. He was so warm, and his hands felt good holding my head behind my ear and wrapped around my waist. We were like that on the bed for a while—when we broke out of the kiss, I was out of breath and I felt a little dizzy. I felt Cato sneaking his head down and nudging my chin up for another kiss, but I kept my head firmly attached to his strong chest inhaling the scent of him. I guess that was okay with him, because he just planted soft kiss in my hair and fell asleep like that. He was still, and his breathing turned regular. I fell asleep in his arms, all still with easy breaths going in and out. I felt relaxed for a second, not thinking about snow. Not thinking about the fact that if anything goes wrong, there's so much more at risk. It isn't just about our families, our lives, our sanity anymore. It's also about our love. If anything goes wrong, all of that will come down.

**AN: Hey guys, sorry if I don't update a lot, it's just that school and swim practice and homework always gets in the way! Please continue reading, following, reviewing, favoriting, etc.! I'd appreciate it so much!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

I feel something soft graze my hips. Oh God, is Cato trying to have sex with me? I open my eyes and see that Cato's hand just lightly brushed me, and that he's trying to put the comforter on me. I was out lying on the mattress, and suddenly I realized how cold I was in the air. I pull the blanket over me, and Cato with it too. He was _much _more warmer. And softer. It was fun breathing, because with each inhale, I got a scent of Cato. I was pretty much hyperventilating; I couldn't get enough of it.

I feel Cato leave. The mattress springs up, and it feels…more airy. I stay silent though. I just like human comfort, not exactly…him. Although, I do, in some sense. He makes me feel like I can open myself, that I'm protected and that I don't have to be so cold anymore. I'm…warm now, I guess.

I decide to see what Cato is up to after a bit longer. I hear some shuffling, and the bathroom shower start and then close. I sit up in my bed, and I see Cato getting dressed. His bas were…like those of a Greek God's. And his biceps weren't bulging; they were just a nice size. And he had some pretty defined hip bones…

Cato pulls on a shirt. I let out an unhappy puff of air, and fall back on the bed. I hear Cato laugh a bit.

"What? Jealous of my abs?" he asks.

"Haha yeah, sure…" I respond.

"C'mon, get up, it's already ten. Anyways, we're going to be in the Capitol soon, we're arriving in District Two today."

"Ugh, we are? Gimme a hand." I reach out both of my arms to him, like a baby. He takes my hands into his lightly calloused ones and gently tugs me towards him. I'm about to roll off of him to get dressed, considering that I only have on a thin shirt of his and just my underwear, but he held me close to him. His arm went tightly around my waist, and he rested his head on top of mine. I hear him breathe deeply…

Well this was awkward. I didn't know what to do; should I just hug him back? Or try and break out of his affectionate hold? He was shirtless after all, and I didn't have any pants on. I went still—I froze. But it was kind of ironic, considering that I should be warmed and happy, and loose and free.

I decided to break the silence. "I have to get dressed." I pulled out of his embrace, and he let me go. He did, however, leave a hand on the small of my back for a few seconds. It felt funny—like, it was nice, but strange at the same time. It was heavy but light, hardly there, and everywhere. I couldn't take it—I lightly shook his hand off.

I dressed a bit nicer considering we actually might be seen for once. I put on a dress that had an open back and cut sleeves. As I put my hair up into its usual braid and then I head to breakfast.

Cato was silent the entire time we walked there. I asked him what was wrong.

"It's just…"

"Cato," I start, "what's wrong/ you're so quiet all of a sudden. It's weird."

"You're really beautiful," He says shyly. He cast his eyes down, but then I see them graze over my exposed back and shoulders. Ah, I see now. The little boy enjoys…my skin. I try and crank my head around to see what's so interesting. It's…smooth, without a blemish on it, but it's fairly pale. My shoulders are smooth, but have a lot of muscle built on them. Maybe Cato likes the purity of my skin…

I continue walking without a word. I know; I've hurt him again. I was supposed to say something, anything, but once again, I walk away. I wasn't use to all of this lovey-dovey stuff. I never grew up like all the other girls in my school—always talking about love, always talking about kissing and boys. If I only listened to them…it's funny how things can change, how time can distort your views.

We sit down around the buffet table. We start heaping on food, which is then quickly eaten. We are about to head back to our compartment, when the train announcement comes in.

A suave voice, tinged with the Capitol accent, states something unexpected. "We have now arrived in District 2. It is twelve-oh-five."

I look at Cato, wondering what he's thinking. This is his home district after all. Is he scared? Relieved? Cato…I look at his face and see that his face has gone completely white. His eyes are wide, and his lips are pinched tightly…what is awaiting here for him?

I take Cato's hand and then I drag him to our room, to freshen up before we have to go anywhere (Effie claims that we must see our 'fans' to be polite). Cato reluctantly follows along. Is it bad that I want to know what's causing this strong man so much pain?

**Guys, please please please review! They're much appreciated! Let me know what the story is like for you, what you want me to add, etc. Thank you!**


	9. Chapter 9

I take a moment to brush down Cato's hair. He puts his hand on the small of my back again, as I do so. He was twitching a bit, and sometimes he'd squeeze my back so hard that I had to control myself from crying out. He couldn't seem to look directly into my eyes…what's going on with him?

"Cato, what's wrong?" I ask almost harshly.

"Nothing. Just…a little nervous about seeing my friends and family again, that's all."

I just nod, but I know that there's something deeper, colder bothering him. I just fix the collar of his shirt, and then we head out.

We push open the main door to the train. We step outside, and I was shocked at how solid the ground felt. I even tried stomping on the ground a few times…but it was very substantial. We walked out of the train station with our head down. A few people noticed us, so we rushed our pace a bit. But we pushed out of the train station before any real commotion could happen.

The air was so…fresh. The sky was so bright, and the noise was too loud. I inhale deeply, and exhale. I open my eyes and ears, and try to embrace this feeling of…almost freedom. Before I knew it, I was being pulled along by Cato.

We walked at a furious pace for a few brief moments. I heard the sound of an instrument being played…we arrive at an open club, with loud music, and tables outside. People were bustling around, and some were swaying to the music. Before I knew it, I was swept up in Cato's arms. I matched him step for step, touch to touch. His moves were more suave though. We were chest to chest and he held me tightly. He looked deep into my eyes. It was so brief; before I knew it, we were going down a quiet street.

We walked for quite a while, to who knows where.

"Where are we going?" I finally ask him.

"Oh, places."

"Where's your home? I want to meet your family."

His lips tighten. "We'll sleep on the train. And we'll meet my family later."

I didn't want to seem rude or invasive, so I just stayed silent. Is his family that bad? What has happened to Cato? I was about to scream and shriek, because of all of the curiosity pent up inside me.

We walk around some more. The streets are fairly busy. There are modern apartments lining the streets, with sleek silver lining windows and doors. Everything was a perfect combination of new and old. There were flowers flowing out of balcony gardens. Cobblestone streets gave an old-country feeling. The sun was dim, with a nice orange color painting the skies and casting a warm glow on everything around us. It was very quiet too, with only the occasional person walking past us, or opening a window somewhere up high. And the fact that Cato had his combed hair and pastel colored shirt with his slacks, and me with my chiffon dress blowing out everywhere gave a very…romantic feeling.

Cato must've felt the heated candle flame between us. He puts a strong arm around my shoulders and pulls me towards him. I rest my head on his shoulder, and we stay like that. We just keep walking like that, slowly, with our feet going wherever they want. Soon, we come across a fence. It's not like the one back at District 12, with the wire and electric current. It's a fence made out of wood coming up to just our hips. Beyond that was just a grassy hillside, dotted with flowers. It opened up to a view of the District. I was…shocked. I gasped audibly and I felt my eyebrows arch up. How could a place so pure and untouched appear here?

He leads me over the fence and we sit down on the hillside. I find that it's not very large, but I can still roll around comfortably. We lie down and watch the sun. I rest my head on his arm, and I get real close to him. I smell the scent of him on him, on his clothes. This moment was so…perfect. So picture-worthy. We were just an almost-couple, watching the sun slowly make its progress over the fading sky.

Before I knew it, the sky was a light pink fading to a dark indigo. The sun was a low ball of bright orange. I could hardly keep my eyes open, but when Cato started to sit up, my eyes began to open a bit more.

He noticed how drowsy I was; I had my head lolling on his shoulder. He kept it there. It was actually pretty comfortable. His muscles made a nice little b=niche where I could rest my cheek comfortably.

I sit up a bit more when I hear him say something. I take my head off of his shoulder.

"I love you," he says softly. I nod sloppily. I was too tired to give an honest, sincere answer.

He takes my face in his hands. The mood _was _right. It was sunset, we were dressed nicely, and we were on a grassy hillside with a view. I tip my head towards him.

Those lips. Those pink, perfect lips. They touch mine softly before crashing over me. His lips were soft, and slightly controlling. But I just melted into this passionate kiss. It was almost light and innocent. But I knew that Cato hungered for more of me, and he's just keeping himself in line. I felt that he knew he couldn't risk our relationship by doing something bold and rash. So we just locked our lips there.

We break apart from the kiss, and we lie back down to watch the sun descend until we can see it no more.

**Please review guys! If there's anything you want, you name it! Or just tell me how the story is. Thanks!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

I open my eyes to a familiar set of white sheets and soft pillows. I feel something heavy next to my legs. I try moving the covers, and the heaviness is gone. I turn over in my kingdom of comforters. I feel something soft and fuzzy brush my cheek. I pop my eyes open, and I find myself staring into bright grey orbs. Cat's eyes, there's a cat on my bed. I sit up, shocked, and I call for Cato.

He comes rushing in from the bathroom. "What? What's wrong?" he asks frantically.

"What's this cat doing here?" I ask him. It looks at me and then stretches a paw. It circles around until it sits down on my blankets again.

"It's a pet. Don't you have them in District 12?"

I nod. "So…did you pick him off the street somewhere?"

"I went to a shelter and picked it up. We were getting a little lonely in here…"

I sit back and I examine the cat. It wasn't anything like Buttercup; it wasn't ugly with a smashed face and ugly orange fur. It was…extravagant, with gray fur like that of a powdered wig in the 1800s. Its face was long and elegant, complimented my sharp eyes. Its paws were petite, and it looked so…soft. T my surprise, it jumped into my arms and tried to bury its head in the crook of my arm. I smile, and start petting it with my free hand. It was like petting strands of silk.

I look up and see Cato smile. I smile back. And then I realize.

How do I not recall getting this cat? I remember the hillside…the kiss. But not this soft ball of cuddly fur. I must've fallen asleep. It was the only explanation. Did that mean that he carried me home? I wonder if I wrapped my arm around his neck…if he kissed me softly when he tucked me in. suddenly, I started to feel strangely warm.

"What's its name?" I ask, trying to steer my mind off of Cato.

"I don't know. You name it."

I sit there silent for a bit, the gears in my head spinning away. And then I come up with the perfect name.

"I'm going to name it Mellark," I state. I know he won't be too happy about it.

Cato just nods. He doesn't say a word; he just turns around and starts getting dressed.

I look at Mellark. I felt like…I now had a piece of Peeta with me, and that I can rest easy about forgetting Peeta. I stroke the cat again, feeling its warmth and softness. But at the same time, I felt bad for naming it after Peeta's supposed legacy because Cato…took it calmly. He…did something for me. That made me feel all warm and fuzzy, and that I was light and heavy at the same time. I hop out of bed and I begin to approach Cato, who had his back to me. He looked so strong…and big and intimidating. I look at his muscular and back and how he seemed to be thinking, with his head down and his brow furrowed. His hands clenched the edge of the tabletop. Not losing any nerve, I come up behind him and I begin to wrap my arms around him. Just feeling him that close, made me feel so intimate. I thought about our kiss the other night, and I thought about how much he must care for me. In a way, I guess I do to. I've embraced him, but I haven't let him in yet.

Cato seems to jump at the sudden action. He then seems to realize what is happening. He seems to sag a bit in my arms, but he soon straightens up and turns around. Aw, I liked the feeling of his back—so strong and smooth, and warm too. But I get something better. He wraps a dominating arm around me, and pulls me close so our hips are touching. He uses another arm to hold the back of my head. He leans his head down…I close my eyes and I inhale sharply. Then I feel his lips again. I was reliving a moment, and yet it was all so new. I could feel his hands in my hair, his cheek brushing mine. I didn't want him to let go.

I feel his lips part mine, and then I feel his tongue slip in. Jesus, he's good. I make a noise in the back of my throat, almost like a deep growl. And then I pull back from him.

How's he this good? It obviously means that he's had a lot of…experience. I try to think nothing of it, but it keeps on nagging me at the back of my mind. I peck him on the lips, but it feels different now.

Suddenly, I am curious about his background. I first wonder what kind of relationships he's had with his girlfriends…and what his family is like. Is he rich? Or is he living in some run-down shack? What's his family like? So many questions…I wish I could just read him as if he were an open book, with size seventy-two font. But I'm in over my head, I feel like sometimes I wanna tear my brains out because I think too much.

I make a master plan in my head. I'm going to discreetly ask him about his family…maybe I'll wiggle in a visit, or somehow get him to speak words of his past…teeheehee. I slowly think about the words I'm about to use, and then I clear my throat. My plan is in action.

"So, Cato…where do you want to go today? I don't want to sit in this train all day…"

"Well, I remember this place…it's like, a small alley with a really nice restaurant. Let's go there."

I nod, with a slow burning feeling in my stomach. Aw, Cato can be so sweet…

"And after that?" I ask.

"Um, I dunno. Let's go…to the lake?"

"Ugghhh noo, I don't want to spend all day just traveling outside. Let's go to your house!" I bring up with a bright smile_. Please say yes, please say yes…_

"Well, it's probably a mess right now. Maybe later, after someone cleans it up. I'll hire a servant to clean and then we can go in, okay? I don't think my family is that interesting. So, restaurant and lake?" He quickly tries to change the subject.

I, Katniss Everdeen, am not one to give up so easily. Why isn't he letting me in? I decide to see his family, to see what he grew up with.

"I'm going to your house, no matter what you say. My house is probably a teepee compared to yours."

Cato begins to fidget. He starts stammering. I put an arm on his, and he stops. "I'm going," I declare.

** Hey guys! Thank you soo much for the reviews! Can we see if I can get 55 reviews? Thanks! It'll help me update faster, like giving me ideas, etc.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

I'm still alive

But I'm barely breathing

Just pray to a god that I don't believe in

'Cause I got time while she got freedom

-Breakeven (The Script)

**Hey guys! Thanks for the reviews, I love all of you guys too! This chapter is going to be in Cato's point of view, FYI. I know! FINALLY! And, Mrs. Katnip. Ludwig…haha, nice try. But still, it's nice to know that my story is…appreciated. Thanks guys! Enjoy!**

I swallow a lump in my throat. Katniss…is going to see my family. I mean, my sisters are okay…but my brother. He might be younger than me, but he always had the favor of my parents. And yes…my parents. It's hard to believe they even love me. Katniss is finally going to see what I've been trying to hide from her. I would try to stop her, but I know my girl is headstrong. She will get whatever she wants.

I go back to my room and flop down onto the bed. What can I do? Just dash in there, and dash out? Pass out at the front door? Pretend I forgot my address? But basically everyone in District 2 knows where we live; on top of the cliff, with the grape vines hanging off of the porch. It's the white house that could probably hold five families. It's got too many rooms, and from the bottom of the hill you could still see it. It might as well be a beam of light from a lighthouse.

What am I going to tell her? I can't even tell myself…I don't wanna think about the years I've spent there, with my supposed parents. It just brings back so many bad memories…

I close my eyes. Suddenly, the soft capitol bed feels like hard concrete…concrete that's so familiar to me.

_I'm fourteen again…a year that I wish I could just forget. Am I better off dead? I close my eyes and decide what I should live for. It's consisted of two things: Annie, and going to the field overlooking the sunset with Danny. I drag my feet out onto the doorstep. I got nothing, after what he did to me…my back hurts so bad. I am always thinking about this one word: why. I _feel _dead. I'll probably pay with my back for doing this…buuut…I just have to see Annie. Her soft lips and sweet face always seem to drag me to that field, where I know for sure she'll be waiting at. Her liquid brown eyes were so enticing to me…they were full of love that I never got from my so-called parents._

_ I run all the way there, even though my legs hurt so bad. I hop over the fence with some difficulty…but I don't see her. Instead, I see Danny. He's holding two swords in his hands, and then I understand. _

_ My parents never loved me. They never bothered with me; they made me do the dirty work, gave me the things that no one else wanted. They never bothered to send me to training school. They always wanted me to leave me, to leave me on the streets to die. But District 2 protocol states that you can't get rid of any strong, healthy children, to ensure that we'd win the Games. So they couldn't leave me. I was the strongest…_

_ I instead sought my training through my only true, male friend, Danny. Everyone made fun of me for being the saddest, for being the most rejected. But not Danny. Everyday, he'd run to me, saying that he wanted to play. Of course, I didn't know that playing meant sword fighting, with real swords. So when I snuck to the field, I was surprised to see him wield a sword. He was surprised I didn't bring one. He was even more shocked to find out…that I didn't even know how to hold one I was sure Danny would laugh at me, and push me down like so many other kids have done. Instead, he handed me the sword and taught me how to fight._

_ I came home that day…I was tired from Danny and his playing. He was almost too good for me, with all his fancy tricks from the training school. I wasn't angry anymore, whenever I thought about training and the Academy .I used to be, thinking it wasn't fair…how was it that everyone else got the upperhand…I felt so alone, so out of it. But for some reason, Annie and Danny have taken that anger away from me. But they haven't taken away my shell; my hard exterior that I've learned to keep up._

_ I silently sneak back into the house. I carefully make my way up to my only place on sanity and reserve—my tiny room. I tread my way up the stairs. When I hear the footsteps._

_ "Cato, what the hell were you doing? I saw you run off earlier. Don't lie to me you bastard!" God no, please no. It was my father. I close my eyes, and say what I've learned to say._

_ "Sorry, I promise I'll never do it again. I just wanted to go into to town. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to cause any trouble…" I say timidly. I became fearful that he'd find out about the secret training, and I became sacred because I knew what was going to follow…the beating. I became numb, the fear spreading throughout my limbs, making me stiffen up._

_ "You bitch! I know you're lying. Why are you such a pain in the ass? Can't you be like your brother or your sisters? Come here…" He takes me by the arm and forcefully drags me down the stairs. I can only follow, paralyzed with fear._

_ He grabs his belt. We go down another flight of stairs…down the basement. My brain starts to feel so sluggish and slow…I…_

A soft hand touches my forearm. It starts to pat my cheek.

"Cato, wake up. Wake up Cato, we have to go."

I snap open my eyes. To my relief…it was the past. I don't have to live the horror. Katniss has saved me from it. I find myself covered in a sheen of fine sweat…I feel my hands tremble Thank you, Katniss.

I leap off of the bed and I suddenly wrap her in my arms. I plant a kiss on top of her head. I can feel her head snuggle deeper into my chest. Oh Katniss…you've always been so good to me. I slowly unwrap myself, not believing that I just nearly relived pain from my father's belt.

I silently go to the bathroom.

I'm going to see my parents. I'm going to confront them.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

Katniss pecks me on the lips.

"C'mon, let's go," she says.

I take one moment to look at her, take her in. With the sun about to touch the water, she looks so bright and…seductive. The bright orb is right behind her, making the deep blue water in the lake shimmer before her. Her body glows in the dim light. Her smile is so enticing…she seems to be glowing; her skin looks like melted bronze. Her hair is out of its usual braid—it's thick and all wet, and it goes past her waist. Every inch of her is exposed (except for the bathing suit covered parts, of course), and her legs look so muscular and smooth and long. Her hip bones are rather prominent and her shoulders look so broad. We should go to the lake more…her eyes seem to have a spark behind them, and her lips look so puckered and pink. She looks a bit tired, but for some reason…it makes it THAT much more beautiful.

My moment of happiness is taken away but a clench in my stomach. Right…going to see my parents again, after many years of endured abuse. I feel like Atlas—the guy that has to hold up the sky. Everything's so heavy, and every moment of your life, you're in pain. But whenever I'm with Katniss, I feel like Hermes. Light, quick, and so…happy, I guess. But maybe I just feel…free. Like I can forget everything, and just remind myself that I have someone. Someone strong and beautiful. Someone I can lean on. That feeling of having someone there to catch me when I trip, to cover for me when I'm…gone, is so rewarding.

I follow behind Katniss to the showers. We rinse off and pack our bags. Before I know it, we're on our way to see my parents and revisit my past. I hold Katniss' hand tightly, making my palms a little damp. But I didn't care—I have more important things on my mind. Shoot, what am I gonna say to them when I see them? They don't even know that I'm coming! I silently lead Katniss to the house; my house, with the grapevines and a view. It's nearly been 8 months since I've last seen it…and anyways, it shouldn't really be my house, my domain. I should be proudly living in the Victor's Village. I'm just…well, I'm just too lazy to move in.

I offer to carry Katniss's bag. She refuses to let me carry it, always pulling the bag out of my reach. I spin her around, but she escapes out of my grasp like a Vaselined watermelon. I look at her, and then I realize…she can already see that I'm troubled by something. I guess, symbolically, she doesn't want to put any more trouble on me. She holds my hand again, and we continue on. I try to put on a feeling of ease, lengthening my strides and loosening my hold on her hand.

I don't think, I just walk, letting my legs…carry me. I felt like my mind was floating…I have traveled this way so much when I was…younger, I guess. I should be thinking about the days where I raced Danny up the hill, or how Annie and I...wait…never mind. But anyways, my mind should be crashing together from all of the memories that took place on this street…

_"Cato! Cato!" Her voice rang true and clear into my ears. After the harsh words from my mother, her voice sounded as if she were an angel, calling my name to bring me to refuge. Annie, my Annie. I turn around and see her sprinting towards me, her strawberry-blonde mane running through the wind._

_ I stop halfway. I kick a stone under my feet. Before I know it, she appears in front of me. Her liquid hazel eyes are so bright, and so close to mine. I feel my heart beat…very loudly. I've never gotten this feeling before…loud heart, nervous actions, unable to take my eyes off. Her freckles make her look so innocent and free…as if she's in another world full of sunsets and butterflies and buttery pastries, and she's taking me with her too. Her smile and her lips seem glorious. The scent of her tousled hair fills my nose—sage, and something citrusy. Her soft hand slips into mine and I feel a rare smile creep across my face. Annie says I have a weird smile. Like, it's bent or something. I feel my lips tug up at the left side abruptly, and then my right corner follows slowly, like a slow boil starting to heat up. I was suddenly worried about how my hand felt in hers. I just finished chopping the wood out back, so I hope my hands aren't too dirty. Or rough, from all of the hard labor I've done._

_ I look at Annie and she looks at me. She has those bright eyes, and that light smile. _

_ "Cato, let's go!" she says. She tugs me along and we fly down the road, like two doves circling the breezeless air. Our legs go flying, mine in rough linen shorts, hers in a soft, floral skirt. Dirt kicks up, and before you know it, we're at the lake._

_ We climb up our usual tree. That's the thing I like about Annie: she's pretty and she's girly. But she knows how to act like a guy. But I do like those secret nights where she climbs up into my room because she needs to be comforted. She feels like…something. Something I have, and can physically hold. It was a weird but exciting feeling…maybe it was called love. She was beautiful love itself, in my arms._

_ Annie and I talk for a few minutes in that tree. We look around, making sure no one has spotted us. But we were up pretty high on maybe a sturdy branch hidden in the thick foliage. Annie takes my hand again, reaching far across…_

_ "It's okay," she says. "I won't fall or anything."_

"Cato, did you hear what I said?"

I snap out of my trance, and then Katniss' voice and face come into view.

"What?" I respond stupidly. I can't believe I was thinking about Annie Caulfield, who moved away three years ago, with Katniss at my side. After all, she is everything I could hope for…but sweet Annie, with her sweet face; she was my first love. The person who made me feel…cherished, and wanted. I keep on telling myself that she's moved on, and that I've moved on. But I know that's not the case. I will always have a special place in my heart for her.

"I was wondering how much longer we have to walk. It feels like we've been walking for ages," she responds with a smile.

I look around. The trees were thinning out, a huge hill was looming over up ahead. Long green grass was springing up everywhere, and I could see a white roof peeking up.

We're here.

**AN: HIIIII! Thanks for the reviews guys, but c'mon. We couldn't at least hit 69? Anyways, not being immature now, thanks to everyone!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

I thought it'd be worse than this. Gut clenching, meltdown at the door. But here I was, just casually walking on the wooden door, with its lavender paint peeling off. I felt like a newlywed man, coming to revisit his old parents.

But I knew it wasn't like that at all.

I look at Katniss, who was smiling so bright and fiercely next to me…oh boy, she has no idea…I guess that's a good thing that she doesn't know my parents are rather…crude.

The door remains shut. I knock again, a little harder. This time, the door slowly creeks open. My breath hitches, but that's it—no passing out. No running away. I'm here.

Finally, the door completely opens. I see a woman before me—she looks familiar. But strange at the same time. Her hair's now colored in grey, and her eyes look droopy. It _was _my mother. I don't even know what to feel for her—empathy? Happiness? All I can do is stare.

Her words are terse and hard. "Cato."

I don't know why my eyes start filling up with tears, but I can feel the heat building up inside me. Cato? Is that it? She's my…mother. And then I start to think, This is where I breakdown. This is where I show them how weak I really am.  
Katniss is still clutching my hand and she squeezes it lightly. Through this brief moment, she can see, no, unders_tand _what's happening. The harsh word—my name. It wasn't Cato, as if she missed me. It was Cato, I can't believe you're here. I want you gone. And the tears—I'm not in pain, I just feel isolated. No one knows what I've gone through…except for Danny, wherever the hell he is, and Annie who has permanently moved out of my life. I don't know where either of them are.

And the thought of that brings me over the edge. MY stomach hurts and the tears come out, flooding over my cheeks. Looks like my dikes weren't strong enough…I turn my face, and think about how awful this is. I shut my eyes for a brief moment and I think…that no one wants me. No one. Katniss is just a friend, my parents hate me, and I don't have anyone else. I feel a strong arm wrap around my shoulders. A soft female voice whispers something into my ear:

"It's okay."

_Annie? _ I open my eyes and just realize it's Katniss trying to comfort me. I just shake my head. I turn around to sit on the wooden steps. Katniss does the same in suit. _Everyone hates me. This stinks…_I feel so…slow and so tired. I rub my eyes, and all of a sudden…I feel so embarrassed. Here is Katniss, watching me, the alpha, the most masculine of them all, break down for almost no reason. I can't even…I shake my head and I lower my shameful head down between my knees.

"Cato…what's wrong?" Katniss' soft voice reaches my ears and it feels too strong. I'm so sad, and angry at the same time. I feel like writing lyrics to some song and pulling out grass at the same time. I suddenly jump up, knowing what to do.

I spring up, and I nearly sprint so fast, that my legs are shaking and my heart is pounding within the first couple of seconds. I just want to go away from here and just happen to run into Danny, or even better yet, Annie. They understand me. Katniss doesn't.

Have you ever gotten the feeling where…your hopes are up so high, that you believe it's going to be certain? For some reason, I _knew _Annie would be just down the road; maybe if I ran a little more, or make a turn here, I'll see that face again. I can feel my tears already beginning to dry, making my skin itchy and tight. I just ran, like I'd see Annie. And I knew I would.

Suddenly, I got scared. What if I don't see her? What if I'll never see her? A feeling of panic welled up in my chest. My desire to run…to look, was all gone. My pace slowed down, I squeeze my eyes again. I pray to every god I know…just to give me more hope. I look up, expecting Annie, or at least…more road I guess, so I could go somewhere.

All I see, is a brick wall. I've maneuvered myself into a dead end. It's so goddamn _depre_ssing, like trying to go somewhere to find something, and all you get is some damn brick wall cutting you off. All of sudden, I can't hold it—my wall of hope has shattered. I feel myself falling, and I feel the hotness in my eyes again. My chest heaves, and everything comes out at once; I don't ever recall crying this hard, other than having to hear Annie and Danny telling me they had to go and move on while I was stuck. My stomach hurts from the deep breaths slowly inflating me; everything comes out: snot, tears, wails.

Out of my blurry tears, I see Katniss' shape approach me. _She followed me here?_

_ "C'mon, let's go Cato. C'mon!" Danny's voice rings, high and clear. I look up, and I see his bright smile. I nod and I quickly follow after him._

_ I suddenly slow down, and think about this. Like, how I'm standing here, with my best friend, possibly one of my only friends. The sun is about to head back down, so the sun has a bright tinge of orange, and the shade is perfect—I look at it and realize…that I love it. It will remind of this day whenever things get bad. I see Danny up ahead somewhere with his hair flying around everywhere…_

_ "Wait, Danny!" I shout out as he disappears over the hill. I try to catch up with him, but as I round the hill, I don't see anything. I run frantically, searching for his mussy hair and cheerful countenance. I run into different areas, taking turns I've never taken before. I finally raise my head and notice I'm lost, all alone. I sit down and crawl up into a ball…and before I know it, I'm silently weeping as the feeling of panic spreads throughout my limbs._

_ "Hey."_

_ I look up._

_ "Hey, why're you crying? Let's go!" Danny is back in my vision. I look up and smile. I'm so lucky to have Danny, who actually cares about me, and will come back to help me. His smile will always be something I'll never forget…_

I feel my tears being wiped away. I can't seem to stop crying…after through the blurriness, I find that I'm leaning on Katniss. I feel myself breathing heavily again, and then more hot tears and slimy snot. I shut my eyes, and I lean back. After a few silent, sniffly moments, I open them.

Katniss is telling me that she's there, and that she'll look after me. We're alone, together. I notice beautiful weeds with flowers opening up next to me. And I notice…that the sky is that shade of orange again. _Danny…._

I go still, with Katniss still patting me on the back. I inhale deeply, and let out all of my air in clear puffs. And I do realize, that it's okay.

And when I close my eyes...Annie is right there, beside me, telling me that.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 15**

6 o' clock in the morning

You're the last to hear the warning

You've been trying to throw your arms around the world

You are falling off the sidewalk

-Trying to Throw Your Arms Around the Aorld (The Fray)

Did…Cato say something to me? I love you? He's so…clingy. He tries to propose to me and then aimlessly says the three words that every girl wants to hear. But…it was so un-special. I thought there'd be more feeling, but I guess sometimes…some things aren't meant, or the timing isn't right. I love Cato, I really do, it's just different from the way he loves me. He loves me as if…he'd never let go of me. Sweet, but creepy. HE loves me as if I've been the only true, real, good thing he's ever had. I love him…like I've loved him: he's a good, handsome, protective companion, who makes me feel as if a pit of fire was starting in my stomach or as if I was being wrapped in a fleece blanket. He felt…good to me, if not almost strange too. He was different from Peeta…no, it's not proper to think about him right now. I did face the truth: he is gone and Cato has come to replace him.

I open my mouth to respond but I didn't know what to say. I close my mouth. I start and stop again, only to be at a loss for words. I love you too? No, it's too cold, too fake almost. I stay silent for a while. We lie on the bed, completely still.

The awkwardness was almost consuming us. It's not as if I hated Cato—so how do I show that? I scoot over so I'm almost touching him. I rest my head on his broad chest and firmly wrap my arms around him.

He exhales loudly, and all the tension in his body seems to have disappeared—his chest is no longer tense, and his breathing seems regular. I like it better when he's nice, you know? Like, he doesn't' have to act all alpha male and stuff. I like it when he's weak, so I can protect him. I like him when he's all soft and cuddly.

I just wish for one day, that he'd just be mine. Like, as if we're by ourselves. When we're together, like we once were on the hillside, he held my hand and nuzzled me. But ever since, he's been kind of…unforgiving. IF I reach for his hand, he briefly touches it or pulls away. He never really looks at me with those soft eyes of his…if you know him, he's very lenient, and temperate. He never kisses me on the nose anymore, when we wake up, or playfully chase me around in the mornings when I'm trying to change. It definitely has to do with his parents…at least, I think his parents. They were too cold to be someone that has housed Cato, a male…who is still a boy. It's so nice to hold him, like he's all mine. He is all mine, in fact. I can't think of one other person who has claimed him like I have.

He gets up quietly, sending the cat into an elegant frenzy while I, slightly startled, begin to pull him back down.

"Where do you think you're going?" I ask. My voice is at a low dangerous whisper, and I feel my brow furrow. What's up with him lately? He's not very affectionate anymore.

He doesn't reply. He briefly kisses me across the lips and he leaves.

I let him walk out of the room, but only a few moments after do I begin to feel the regret, slowly seeping up my torso. I was lonely. I went to go find Haymitch, someone with at least some insight, which I could talk to to figure out why Cato has been so…aloof.

I make my way to the hallway, where I slowly step out and I begin to tread my way to Haymitch's room. IT's pretty quiet when I press my ear against the cold door. I push inside.

Haymitch seems sober, although sloppy. HE has a hard look in his eyes and his shirt was open right in the middle. His hair hasn't been combed in probably days, and he was holding a bottle of beer. It was half empty.

"What," he says when he sees me come in. It was as abrupt as the way the woman said Cato's sweet name.

"Cato, that's what. Tell me what's wrong with him," I say, demanding yet childlike. Haymitch could always read people as if they were an open book.

"Sweetheart, everything's wrong with us. For goodness sakes, we've been through the Hunger Games and were stuck on a train for no apparent reason." His sarcasm stung a bit, but then I realized he was right.

"Then…make us right again," I whisper quietly.

"Well, you can start by getting off of this train."

"We were going to do that to visit his home again…but I can't find him. Have you seen him?"

"Sweetheart, he's yours." He pauses and lets that sink into me. "He's not mine; you have to go after him, and you have to take care of him."

I let out a loud sigh, and for some reason, I always knew that that was the truth: he's yours, and you must look after him. I wish I could always look deeper into myself, and tap into the reserve I have more often. Then, I'd always see the answers, know what to do, and feel what I want right before me.

I resolve to spend the rest of my day finding Cato and seeing if I can comfort him, or at least get him out of his weird funk. I miss his little hugs or how he'd brush his lips across mine. Anyways, he couldn't be far—hopefully, he was still on the train.

I find it so funny to be in the same predicament again—Cato storming off, me looking for him. Hopefully he wasn't off the train, wandering around in aimless circles, that I will never be able to follow. I quickly search the train, and call out his name. I come to the conclusion that he's in District 2, hopefully not at a whorehouse again.

I grab a bag and start lightly packing—I could be out there until it's night time; I quickly search for a flashlight and stuff it in my bag. An urge of panic rises up into me, thinking about how I could get lost, or what if Cato is attacked by mutts? Or maybe, what if he comes back to the train and I miss him? I wait half an hour before embarking on my search. Damn Cato, always running off…but yet, I'd do anything to see him again.

The smooth metal door glides open, as I push it away. I scout the train station for any sign of him—ashy blonde hair, tall build, broad chest. Nope. I walk out, feeling…empty. Like I'm missing something, or that I'm making the wrong choice. I walk out of the train station before I head back; I swear, my legs were a jumble and I almost tripped as I debated whether or not to turn back and wait, or look for him. I stay strong on my path forwards—anyways, how awkward would it be to see Haymitch again, when he know, and I know, that I'm supposed to be out here, looking for what's mine?

I soon find it's not hard to navigate the streets—everything is connected to one main street, and it's in a grid pattern. I make mental signs and notes so I can later find my way back—_Oh, so the dairy shop is over there…and if you face it, and take a left, you'll reach the train station…_Still, the fear of not being able to find my way home scared me. A gut wrenching moment passed, and then a wave of panic built up in me as I realized that not finding Cato would be even scarier.

I decide to rest my feet after a while. I sit at a small café, halfway hidden by an alley. God, where could he be? My poor Cato…I don't think he'd be back at his house, I've already scouted out the lake and the hill side. Where is he then?

Maybe he's…he's over…there…my feet hurt awful bad, and my head was aching. I feel my eyes close. I don't fight it; I'll just…rest here a bit.

When I open my eyes again, I think something's wrong with my vision. It's so dark, with odd shapes floating everywhere.

That's when I realize it's night, and Cato hasn't been found and I'm out here, unprotected, unsure of my way home. It's so dark; I can hardly make anything out. My stomach tumbles again, but my instinct kicks in and I feel around for my bag, and proceed by reaching my flashlight. Thank God I packed it!

I suddenly freeze up, and I become as still as those deer I hunt. I hear a low male voice talk.

"I've missed you so much. Where've you been? How are you?" His voice is low, and so familiar…and what are they doing out so late? I just accidently overslept, I guess.

"Oh Cato! I've missed you so much! I've been around I guess. On the other side of the District. I'm fine. How're you, with the Hunger Games…" Cato! Goodness sakes, what is he doing with this…girl? She better not be another prostitute…have I not been coddling him enough, that he'd turn to a tart again? This girl sounds so tender though, not blaring, or edgy. If I could imagine her…I believe she would be very beautiful, and tall with long smooth legs. I feel myself burn up; it wouldn't be hard for Cato to choose another girl over me. Honestly, I don't know what he sees half the time in me. Oh Cato…

"Oh, I guess I've been good. Nightmares and stuff. Katniss helps me through I guess…" My heart melts when I hear him mention me. But I still stay rigid, with my head still in my arms. I can see the two of the in the glint of the moon light. They look…beautiful. I was right about the girl—she's tender, and much more beautiful than me. They look…right. Who is this girl? How come I've never heard about her?

"Oh that girl…she seems nice I guess…" Her voice diminishes towards the end.

"Annie, she's…a good friend of mine. I care for her a lot though." A friend? I thought…he said he needed me. Two stirring emotions fight within me: anger and jealousy. Not to mention a bit of betrayal is hidden behind everything. I feel like I did a 180. Just a friend huh? I don't know whether to put up my walls again, or sob.

"Oh. Okay." It goes silent for a bit. I lift my head a bit, and I swear, I nearly screamed. The light gleams across the contours of their bodies, but most importantly, their lips touching together in one of the most passionate ways. I bolt out of my chair. I try to run.

"Katniss! I…" Cato's startled voice keeps me anchored to my spot.

"Yes, Cato?" I ask, pure acid dripping behind my words.

"I'm…sorry?" Sorry huh? And he doesn't bother to explain what is going on.

"You're sorry?" The words tumble out before I can stop them, just flowing out as if they were all tied together in a chain. "You're SORRY? I…I should've left you! You will _never, NEVER _be as good as Peeta! He'd never do this to me, cheating and needing and so _weak. _I…I hate you! Fuck you! I'd rather be dead than live without Peeta!"

By now, tears are streaming down my face. I've finally said what I've always wanted to say. In a way, I guess. I do want him back…

I turn around and sprint until I've nothing left…inside of me. I'm so numb, and I just want to get away from here…I can almost feel the pavement pounding underneath my feet and drumming into my ears. I don't even bother to look back because…for some reason, I know he won't come after me.

I just want to get away from here. I run to the train station, blindly following my legs. I don't even have anything; not even the bag or the cat…

Mellark. Peeta...Mellark. I hope that whenever he looks at that beautiful cat, his heart will my ripped apart…I stumble onto a train but everything is so blurry and it feels like as if I'm watching myself…I'm so aware, but yet I feel so heavy and numb.

I don't care that everyone's staring at me, and thinking about 'the poor victor from District 12'. I just want to go home. Maybe I want to go home, to where Peeta is. But I just collapse in a seat and feel the train start to move…

I'm going home.

**AN: Hi guys! Thank you so much for the reviews! Please follow me and review! Spanks :p Please favorite and follow! And sorry it took me a while to update, Hurricane Sandy knocked out my power for like a week.**


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 16**

And we know it's never simple never easy

And for a clean break no one her to save me

And you're the only one I know

Like the back of my hand…

And I can't

Breathe

Without you

But I have to

-Breathe (Taylor Swift)

I blindly stumble into what should've been Peeta's Victor Village house. It's a light yellow, with wide bay windows and even though it looms over me, casting, a large shadow, it's a house I wouldn't mind going into, even if it was midnight with a murderer on the loose. _Peeta…_

It's vacant, but that's what I want. I just want to sit and cry and mull over my thoughts. Were those kisses, those shared nights, the…contact really just a dream? Who was that girl? What would my life be like if Peeta were alive and not Cato?

I knew that I had to get all of my tears out, hot and fast. My mother and Prim would know of my arrival soon, and believe it or not, they are in the house right next to this one. I slowly begin to think what they might be doing…just their normal routine of dinner and some television? I wonder if they're upset that I have to stay at the Capitol, with that brute, away from them for so long.

I quietly fall asleep on the couch, with hot tears and snot dripping down my face. I've tried to get rid of all the hurt, all of the build up inside of me. I've tried. Let's just see how things go tomorrow.

When I wake up, I find myself on a hard, unworn couch. The ceilings and walls are pure and untouched. I sit up, realize I'm in Peeta's unused house…and I think of the past night. I don't realize I'm crying until I reach up to braid my hair, and feel moistness on my cheeks. Cato and Peeta have brought me so much distress.

I have an involuntary flashback with all of my memories with Cato…really? I love you and will you marry me, and he then ditches me? I heave again, my body racked with dry sobs. I don't have anyone—no Peeta, or Gale or Cato. I can't face my family just yet. What am I going to say? I don't want to cry in front of them. I don't want to scare Prim.

I don't know what I feel right now, just curled up on this hard piece of furniture. Anger for the girl? No. Despair, sadness? Nope. I close my eyes, revisit every moment I've had with Cato…and all I feel is…betrayal. Betrayal, and jealousy for the girl. I know that no other man can replace Peeta or Cato—no one can replace their character, the way the talk, how they are with me, how they love.

I just sit there, thinking about how Cato used to kiss me. Now that I look back on it, I realize that he's probably been with many other girls—he's good looking, strong, and c'mon, he just seems like a ladies man. He…is so beautiful. And he's gone.

I finally get up and walk around. I don't know exactly where I'm going, but I find myself running out the door. I bolt across the land not caring who sees me, and I find myself going under the chain link fence. I welcome the masses of leafy green by opening my arms. It's a mellow meadow, which I fall peacefully into. I sigh and close my eyes. It's nice being by myself. I don't need anyone else…It's weird, am I really over Cato? I don't think I'll ever be able to look at blue eyes the same way…first Peeta, now Cato. Did I really care for him? What is he doing now…probably cuddling up to her. I expect hot tears to pour out any second, but I don't feel anything. Either I am too numb and pain wrecked from my previous heaving, or I have cried myself dry.

I silently wish myself to another district…I want to start new. But hey, I guess everyone does when the world starts to come down on you. It's happened to me too many times before and I wish that Prim was never reaped, so that I never would have had to deal with Peeta or Cato. They'd just be another figure on the screen, in the arena, far away. Just another pair of handsome faces I'd be watching, while silently praying for a painless death. God, what am I doing with my life…

I close my eyes briefly. I call to no man master. I feel fine, just laying out here with the wispy ends of a flower brushing my cheek, and smooth weeds just tickling my ankles. I figure that I can always go back, and pretend that _he's _not there, and get all the Capitol, Snow, whatever stuff out of the way and come back here, to my family. I can hunt, and shoot, and go to the bakery and watch Prim grow up and get married and have fine little babies…yes, I'm happy.

I really am.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 17**

_What the hell was I thinking…doing…shit. _I can only shake my head. I've smashed everything in sight, but I've stopped once everything was in pieces—I had nothing else to take my despair out on, and doing this won't make Katniss come back. Did I really…propose to her? And I threw her away. But did I really love her? She's gone, and I have Annie now, right? My long lost childhood love…that I've yearned for for so long. _What have I done…_

It's hard to imagine that Annie is right where Katniss slept, slumbering away peacefully. We romped a bit last night, and nipped at each other, but I felt so…weird doing it. I can't exactly place my finger on what was wrong, it's just that…it was so unreal. After a few years in absence, she comes back to happily jump into my arms. Was it because I'm a Hunger Games Victor? That I have a large_r _house, heaps of money, and just…something to be proud of? Or did she come back to really be with me? I stroke her fine hair and I close my eyes. I can only remember those days at the hillside, just holding onto each other, and just…there.

God, where is she now? I saw her run off, but…she should be….back? OR did she get away from me, as far as she can? Probably the latter. I can only stare at her cat, and shake my head. Who knew that a cat could bring so much guilt and grief.

I turn on the TV and I can only stare in shock. The first thing that blares out at me is….Katniss. She's _missing? _Oh God, what have I done? She could be lying in a gutter somewhere, or…or what? Happily off with some other guy, in some secret place? That's when I started to bash everything in sight. Was it the thought of her, leaving me for someone better? Or that I might have well sealed her death warrant? I can't even…

I wipe my bloody fists on my pants when I see Annie wake up. She gives me a dreamy smile, and I shakily return one back. Did I really…last night? I must've been in some kind of stupor or something. I feel my gut clench when I realize that it wasn't Katniss who was my first, but Annie. But that couldn't be too bad, right?

I can only remember the smooth curve of her hip and waist, how her hands would caress me…oh God. Her hands were very smooth, with no calluses or rough skin. They were so unlike Katniss' which held bumps from where she would always grip her bow and arrow. For some reason, the fact that Annie had never had anything to work for, or had something to do, enraged me. Katniss and I at least had purpose. We weren't weak; we both came out of a hard life and the Hunger Games. Together.

I shake my head. I pat Annie's shoulder and start to head out.

My God, what've I done? It's so strange to be feeling regret. And what will everyone else think, and the Capitol! Shit. The star-crossed lovers thing…ah, I guess that doesn't matter, considering someone that I actually cared about has walked out of my life. How am I so torn, between Annie and Katniss? Shouldn't I be happy enough with Annie's sleeping form next to me?

I think back to the small moments I've had with Katniss. HOW she'd raise her head, and smile her perfect smile. When she held me when I cried. During the Games, at the Cornucopia, and how our eyes would always meet during training. And the best feeling ever, when we got into the hovercraft together to take us home. And how we…came together, even though Katniss still hated me some. Maybe those moments during training were just coincidences, but I was always one to imagine things…

I've never been through anything with Annie really. Did I just give someone up, someone who understands me, has been with me through the living and asleep nightmares of my life? I ponder this quietly. I've got a lot to figure out.

**Please review guys! I like hearing what your thoughts are, especially as of now with all the relationship problems! **


	17. Chapter 17

I keep my act up, staying low and well, missing. It's funny to think that all of the news on the TV and radio about 'Katniss Everdeen, the 74th Hunger Game's Victor, Gone Missing,' when really, I am so close to home and lying about in comfort, not in some ditch like the Capitol would expect. Ah, what the hell. What comes will come—when they find out I'm single, not ready to mingle, and alone back in District 12, we'll see how things play out.

What's weirder is that Mother and Prim will be worrying over my supposed carcass, when really, I'm healthy and alive not twenty-five feet away from their worrying souls.

I can only shake my head in wonderment. I do the usual, tuck my hair up, keep my face down, and sprint somewhat casually across the District to do my hunting. It's surprising no one has made a connection or claim some 'Katniss Spotting's' yet.

Today I gathered some roots and got myself two fat rabbits, which I will enjoy very much tonight. I silently put it in my game bag, and start to head back out. Just a few feet away from the fence, I am suddenly deadpan of any emotions. _Has it really been a week, a content week, since I left Cato and District 2 behind? _I shake my head, and go back to the Village house. I can only shake my head in wonderment. I can't help but think if there's a wedding or something like that being planned right now. Or if that beautiful girl is swollen with a baby in her stomach or that Cato has happily forgotten about me. Such worthless, idle thoughts, but I can't help it. After all, I've got almost nothing to do to fill up my long days but think, hunt, and sleep. And oh yeah, to lay low for as long as I can and try to keep out of the Capitol and Cato's reach. The last bit is getting easier to do each day as searches for me and blaring announcements on my state are diminishing with each passing day.

I skin and gut the rabbits over a can in the kitchen and start to make lunch. I look out the window, pausing to rest. And I see Prim in the next house. The sight nearly stops my heart. She's silently sitting, with a small book in her hands. I see flowers on the windowsill. I see the blue sky, and the dainty light glowing through my windows.

I see me in the window, with a slight smile reflected back to me. I feel a strong urge to say something, but then the six-year-old in me decides it's not enough.

I sing. I sing like I am happy where I am, with raw rabbit innards and blood soiling my hands. I try out my voice a few times, and after a few runs and hoarse notes, I sing for real. I close my eyes, not caring about anything in the world and only thinking of my father and Rue.

_Nothing like a day today_

_Nothing like a bird_

_To scoot and fly_

_And go under the rye_

_And sit away_

_The entire day…_

**Review please! I know the last bit of rhyme was a bit cheesy, but hey, it's something, and it has the appropriate feel to it. Do you think Katniss will be able to love again? How do you think Cato is feeling now?**


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 19**

"Annie, stop, please."

Her hands were slowly traveling up under my shirt. Her soft fingers delicately stroked the hard lines of my stomach, but it all felt wrong and not at all seductive like it was supposed to be. Her touch was too soft, and her fingers were too tender.

Annie pull out her hands, and looks at me. Her face is scrunched up, and she looks bruised. I know my voice and words were biting and harsh, but I didn't want to take it too far, which is funny considering I already did the Deed. I mean, it's not that big of a deal, I've done it many times before. But the thing was, there were _feelings _involved. I've missed Annie, a beautiful childhood friend who has helped me and has always been there for me. I always thought, after all of the times we've been cuddling together in the same bed, that it would be _Katniss _that would be full of meaning, I guess.

_Uugghhhh. _I just couldn't do this anymore. I ruffle my already-mussed up hair with a tense hand. It just felt so odd, and I always imagine the feel of Katniss' lips whenever I kiss her. But how am I suppose to tell her that I don't want to be with her, when she was always there with me? I only shake my head and let out a long breath, the warm air hitting my forearms. I tug at my hair; I feel like a fish frozen in a pond, really.

_What am I doing with my life? Will I ever, really get married, or will I live my life away in peaceful solitude? _It was hard for me to imagine my life even a year from now. I'm going nowhere. I just wish something would inspire me and not give me so much trouble. I look out the sad little train window, and I find myself staring out the sunny square for quite some time. It's just the dingy little train station, with hard concrete lines and metal structures. The sun glints off of it in a very menacing wing, but I find myself in some kind of peaceful daze, not feeling, just staring. It felt nice…to have a sort of straitjacket, even just for a brief moment.

I hear something behind me and I notice Annie's figure get up and start to make her way out…out somewhere, somewhere who-knows-where, somewhere where-I –don't-care. I'm sitting, and it feels nice. No one bother me. I feel my eyes glaze over and my body starting to get all mushy and comfortable in the chair. I notice the shiny glint of the window, the small patch of grass, and this bright spot of sun slowly drifting all over the place.

I don't know how long it was, just sitting there a sack of potatoes. But it was l was there quite long—the sun was starting to slowly drift over, leaving the sky a dark indigo color. I finally snap out of my stupor, when Annie comes back.

"Cato."

I feel my eyes unglazed, my feelings become real and my surroundings too close for comfort. I feel uneasy all of a sudden, without these barriers to protect me. I'm too exposed. "What."

"C'mon, do you want to go out for dinner? You have to eat."

I heave out a sigh. "Yeah, sure." I find myself looking out of the window again. People are just such a nuisance sometimes. I was perfectly comfortable, and now I can't get comfy again. I scan the outdoors again, when I see it.

It's a bright splotch of yellow that the sun's shine was covering up. It's tiny little petals looked to delicate and exquisitely shaped. It was a sun itself: a dandelion. Just then, Mellark jumped into my lap, its presence unguarded by either Annie or me. It looked up at me with bright, questioning eyes. Then it seemed to…nod? And stared out at what I seemed to be standing.

Mellark screeches as he is forced off of my lap. I suddenly know what to do. I run past Annie, out the train and outside onto the small patch of grass containing the prized flower. I…I was stuck there. How should I pick the flower? I look at it and decide it best to reach under the flower and gently place my fingers on the precious stem. I tug at it, and it comes out and rest beautifully in the palm of my hand.

I look back up and I see bright lights pulling up to the station. I run up to it, and hop aboard. Perfect, let's just hope that it is bound for District 12.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 20 **

Regrets collect

Like old friends

Here to relive

Your darkest moments

I can see no way

I can see no way

And all of the ghouls

Come out to play

-Shake It Out (Florence and the Machine)

I open my eyes a crack, and find myself entwined in heavy, white covers. I recall last night…my nightmare, how hard it was to sleep. It was like looking at myself, hearing myself as if I were another person. Surely those moans and shouts couldn't be coming from me…? I sit up, and I realize that a dark gloom has fallen over the bed. I look outside, and I notice clouds as dark as the night Cato betrayed me. I flop back into Peeta's bed, and mull over my thoughts. A week and a half on my own. The searches have been called off, and I am almost pronounced dead. _Should I give myself up, or live a peaceful, solitary life? _I finally get up and decide I'll take this cursed life one step at a time. I make myself breakfast, and decide I will spend the rest of my day lounging about as I can't go outside to hunt—it's obvious that it's going to start pouring thick, heavy droplets any moment. I don't want to risk getting sick or anything…or running into anyone that I might know. I pace in a slow circle around the kitchen, thinking about Prim, or the cat, Mellark, or _him. _I think it's so funny that of all things, of all the places I could and stop for a rest, I stop at that little café, where Cato and that girl just happened to be. I chuckle to myself quietly and shake my head. I close my eyes and laugh. And I laugh, and my throat and mouth hurts because these sounds are…forced. I feel my throat close up and my eyes squeezing shut…and that ache in my stomach, oh, that ache.

And then I feel it. I feel the tears pour out of me, squeezing out of each shut eye. Just…fuck my life. I'm here, alone, presumed to be dead, with no one to love me because the person that I loved and loved me has left and walked out of my life. Twice. The idea was so painful, that I had _no one, _and that _no one _cared about me was so overwhelming. I curl up into a ball and let out loud moans that rumble throughout my body, making my stomach hurt and my head buzz. I pound the floor with my fist and I just…scream. And I try and shake it out…

_Uhhhh…_I soon fall on my side, still curled up into a tight ball that was suppose to protect me. I am a heap of sadness and whimpering noises. My tears fall over my cheeks and onto my right ear. I wipe away my snot with my sleeve, but my sleeves are soon soaked with tears, and hot, heavy feelings. I have cried out everything that I've felt and ever will feel. It's time for me to not care anymore, to not love and just be there. To stand there like a soldier would and do your duty. To embrace the fact that life is going to screw you over, but you'll just _be_ there.

_Thump! Thump! Thump!_

Goddammit who can that be? My mind was too foggy to think of anything decent right now. Have they come for me, the Capitol, or the Peacekeepers? Is it Prim? Has my stupidity and carelessness given myself away to my mom and my sister? Not that I'd mind, but this solitude was getting nice…I wipe my face roughly and I get up to see who has come calling for me.

_Wait. Can it be?_ But no…why would he? He has everything he could ever want now. I was excited and enraged at the same time. I would want to rip out his throat and yet snuggle up in his arms. Should I just…leave the door, and not answer it? Ignore it?

_Thump! Thump! Thump!_

There it is again. Strike two, actually. After that, he might knock again but then I'm out. I was dying of curiosity. Could it also be Haymitch to come and scold me, or comfort me? I am a few steps away from the door. Can I cover those few feet and reach my hand out to tough the knob, and turn it? I swear, if I do, it could change my life. I bite my lip. I scooch towards the door…then inch back. I reach out my hand to touch the cold device…and retract my hand. Should I?

_Thump! Thump!_

I tenaciously creep to the door. What if it was Cato? He can't see me crying! No, I'm going to leave that door alone and whoever wants me or thinks that I'm here can come again. Or maybe never. I decide that whoever is at my door will probably leave, after trying so many times but not getting a response.

I turn back to the room and decide to continue with my life.

_Thump! Bang! Bang! Bang!_

God dammit, what do they want? It must be urgent if the person has tried so many times, so ferociously. I get up, fuming at the disturbance and I go to the door. I hold my breath, and let it out. I put my hand on the cold metal, and unlock the door. I open the thing that has separated me from the outside world for so long and I cautiously take a peak around the edge.

I don't see anyone. No one's on my front doorstep. I let out a _phew! _and I turn back around to head inside, where it was safe and no one was there to disturb me. That's when I see it.

A large figure heading down the path and then disappearing around the corner. His steps were easy and long, with a quickened pace to it. The waist was slender, his shoulders broad, and his stature tall. And then his blonde hair said everything so clearly.

"Cato!" I couldn't help it.

He comes back around the house. He starts running towards my door. I take a step back into the house, almost hiding.

He stops in front of me. Or rather, in front of the door. He pulls it open, and takes my hands in his and Cato pulls me close. _What? _What is he doing?

"I'm…I'm sorry. I really am."

I go to interrupt him but he puts a finger on my open lips.

"Look, Annie, the girl you saw? She was a childhood friend and I guess things got out of control. I just want to let you know that I still….I still love you. And I want you, and I want you to have me in your heart. But if you don't want me, I'll leave."

I just stared at him, with tears streaming down my face. _How the hell did he find me? And then Aww, he loves me! _And I couldn't explain it, I do want him back. I feel his hands on my face wiping away my tears, waiting for me. _Waiting for me, _for God's sake._ He _loves _me. _It's been too long; seeing Prim smiling through the window nearly brought me to pieces, and it's Cato and I forgive him and I'm _lonely _for fucks sake and…

I couldn't speak, so I let my actions do the talking for me. I pull him close, with one arm around his waist and the other on his hip and I plant a kiss on his lips. I feel his hand hold me by the waist while cupping my tear-streaked face.

Yes, I do want you in my heart. And yes, I'll have you. I pull back with bright eyes.

Thunder boomed and lightning sparked. The heavens opened up…and the rain came down. But no, not the heavy drops I'd expect—it was a drizzle, with the drops tickling our skin. It was pure, and open and…bright. I feel Cato pull back and I see him reach around for something. He pulls…a dandelion out of his pocket. Even though I'm getting soaked with every passing minute, the fact that Cato is with me, and the flower in his hands…has made me feel a low, burning ember in my stomach. I am reborn…hopefully, I won't be walking into another trap. But I give Cato another chance, because after all of the isolation, and finally being so close, _so close, _I realize that my walls have been up for too long and it's about time someone…Cato…brought those walls down.

He tucks the dandelion behind my ears and dips his head towards mine for another kiss. I reach a hand up to touch the fragile little thing, and I smile. I touch his smooth face, not believing this picture perfect moment with the bright yellow flower outshining everything, with the rain falling while we have our little act of love, with Cato coming back for me. I lift my face towards the sky…and I lead him inside.

**AN: Well…that was quick. Please review! And sorry for not updating in a while, but I've been really busy! I'll try to update more quickly next time.**


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 21**

Well, that went well. After all, I am here with an arm around Katniss.

It suddenly came together when I saw the cat. Mellark. Peeta Mellark. I knew where she was…of course she'd be yearning in her dead-lover's house. The fact that she answered the door was pure luck though. When I realized that she wasn't here, or that she was ignoring me, or that _she might be dead, _was just so overwhelming. I never even got to say good-bye or…that speech that I've poured my heart out into that I've created and repeated so many times in my head on the train would've been a waste.

Well, everything went well. But almost _too _well. Could it be…? No. And gah, Annie. I've solved one problem, but there are many more others. Should I just leave Annie behind? No. She could come storming to me, with so many unanswered questions and hurt feelings. I'll just try and live whatever's here with me right now, and then I'll lie there silently in bed, next to Katniss with my nose buried in her hair, thinking about solutions to my multiple life problems. It feels strange, but good, to think of Katniss sleeping next to me after such a long time. My body tingles with the thought of it. It was nice sleeping with Annie, and well, _sleeping, _with her, but it felt wrong. I hope I will be atoned for my sins by cuddling with someone as pure as Katniss.

When I step in, I notice that everything is bare. Bare as a baby's bum. It was stuffy, and it smelled almost unused.

Katniss turns to look at me. I notice she looks adorable and rumpled, with a fluffy scarf around her thin neck, a loose shirt that drapes over her perfect chest, and tight pants that sit low and reveal a flattering backside and elegant hip bones. And God, she's barefoot! That's adorable…she looks so vulnerable and soft and…I just wanna pick her up and carry her off to the…

"I know it's not much…and that it looks awful, but…"

"It looks fine, honey." _Honey? _Where'd that come from? Oh well, too late. I bend down to crash my lips against hers. They were more pink and puckered than usual to me, and the feel of them against mine was a familiar tingly jolt that ran down my torso. It was a familiar feeling that I've missed.

When we were done, she settled into my chest, her closed hand resting on my muscled front and her other soft hand on my abdomen. She was like a soft mass, a soft cuddly mass that I want to squeeze and hold forever.

I suddenly think about my trust fund back East. Brutus had created it for me while training for the Hunger Games. With that kind of money, and the Victory money, we could start a life here, furnishing this place from top to bottom, building well, stuff, donations…I look around what seemed to be the living room. We could hire someone to pull up the floors and replace them with mahogany. A soft lilac blanket covered a blank, pure white couch…it was a charming sight, but the days that Katniss must've spent on it, possibly crying and screaming from her nightmares all alone made my heart drop. Wait….a thought briefly brushed by me. Is she using me…just for a night, only for a night, as a guard against her nightmares and nothing more? I look at Katniss and her soft, dewy, gleaming eyes. She has dark circle that are slight crescent puffs beneath her eyes. I notice that her hair is in her usual braid down her back, just a bit looser. Still, she looks…flawless.

I cup her smooth face and plop a light kiss on her lips. I pull back and smile. I notice that she casts a glance down, and that her face is quite a shade of pink. Hm…

I rub her arms and I try to peer deep into her eyes, but she seems to be keeping her face away. Well then…I cup her face into my hands but she turns away too. She quietly leaves the room.

I exhale loudly. Okay. Great. You take me in, and then you give me the cold shoulder. You are so fucking hot, you leave me wanting, and you walk out. I run my hands through my silky blonde hair, thinking that maybe things are going to work out a little differently.. Dammit…why is she doing this? I look outside the window and see that the sun is setting a bit. Maybe I'll make her dinner and we'll tumble into bed together.

I close my eyes and I try to remember how she felt…what she looked like. IT's been too long…I never realized how lightly I took those days on the train with Katniss sleeping in my arms, her warm body just a few scant inches away. And my body _ached _for her. Not like it was Annie, not all lust and carnal desires. For Katniss, it was love and the factor to please.

I immediately start looking for something decent in her house…something decent to eat. It's been a while since I've prepared anything; the Avoxes or the Capitol people usually had everything hot and fresh and ready to go. I wring my hands. What if nothing was on hand? I'd have to go out, and expose Katniss…and anyways, I don't even know where anything is around here. I just know that District 12 has the Seam and Merchant area. I brace myself and open her fridge and the pantry. Immediately I relax again when I find it stocked with different grains and pastas. Some roasted game was left in the fridge…I see Katniss has been rooting around for some vegetables too. I warm up some chicken and cook up some very small pieces of baby spinach…or at least I think they're ababy spinach. I remember when I used to go to Annie's house to cook…I mean. Whatever. That was the past…maybe it's about time I've let go. Katniss is all that is there left for me.

Within fifteen minutes I have something decent for Katniss and me to eat. I call her down, but it's funny…this house is so empty, that my voice seems to resonate for quite a while. I stay at the bottom of the stairs until I see Katniss delicately come down the stairs.

I lead her to the table where I've set everything out nicely. We quickly dig in. I have to say this…rabbit isn't too bad. And this brown rice is actually kinda decent. It's so weird to have Katniss in front of me. It's so weird just…thinking. Annie vs. Katniss. 12 vs. Capitol vs. 2. What I should do vs. What is convenient. I quickly finish up eating and I make a bolt for the nearest bedroom; I just needed a place where I could think alone. But looking at Katniss, I don't think she'd want to be with me at this moment…

I leap up the stairs and push open a door. It was a cool space painted a light lavender. The floors were bare, except in the corner where a small bench faces a wide window. Maybe it's where Katniss sat when she was hiding for all of those days. I walk up to the spot and inhale deeply—I don't smell her sent of something fruity and something earthy—just finished wood stain and paint. Disappointed, I sit down.

Katniss is perfect to me. I knew she was, the minute I saw her in the training room. The grace of her nape, the curve in her back, the slimness of her waist…my body ached to hold her. And when I did…she…I…slipped away. And I lost her to Annie, the pretty girl of my childhood youth who has been with me and understands me where Katniss can't. But then again, Annie will never experience the Hunger Games, and no one else knows that I have nightmares except Katniss.

I try to formulate a plan in my head to sort everything out…I could skip a week with Katniss going back to District 2 to make amends with Annie, and then back here again. I could do everything for Katniss, love her, nourish her, and be her everything. But right now, all I could think of was Katniss and how she looked. I admit that I've always thought of doing…that…with her. But I didn't want to push it and make her despise me for possibly forcing her. The first night I slept with her, I couldn't keep my eyes off of her peaceful face, her perfect breasts pushed up against my chest, her legs entwined with mine. And trust me, my body did respond to the propinquity and the sexualness of the situation.

Oh yeah, and while I'm back at District 2, I should probably bring the cat back.

**So, what do you think? I know it's been a while…writers block and school. Please review! And we might be expecting a lemon within the next few chapters. Any tips…on how to transition into one, how to write one, etc? It is my first time. Please review! And thanks!**


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 22**

**Thanks to HeyoMyFellowReaders101!**

I wake up to find my back aching and…there's a soft blanket on me. I notice something on my stomach…I lift my head up and I see a soft, sleeping Katniss lying down on top of me. I stroke her hair and I caress her soft face…her cheeks are rather chilly; I quickly shake off my blanket to wrap it around her.

Katniss' eyes flutter open gently.

"Hey babe," I call out to her softly.

She lets out a grumble and lifts her head. Her eyes are at half-mast, and her luscious hair is out of her usual braid, falling down her back in perfect brown curls. She then puts her head back down.

"Nightmares,"she murmurs softly. "I had nightmares."

I immediately feel myself soften. The Hunger Games is something that scars you for the rest of your life, no matter how far you run, how fast you run, how close or scared or pompous or strong you are. I just tend to keep everything inside, and sooner or later, those mutts will explode out of my chest and I'll wake up in a cold sweat but hopefully, she'll be by my side.

I stroke Katniss' soft hair as she rests her head in my lap. I gently nudge her onto the bench. I scoot over and wrap the fleecy blanket around her. I try to get her to scooch a little closer to me, but she doesn't budge. She grabs her arms around her and she's looking down and away from me, almost shyly.

I place a soft kiss on her brow, while putting a hand on her shoulder for some leverage. She peers deeply into my eyes the moment I come into contact with her. Her eyes are narrowed a bit, but they look…sad too. I don't ever recall her looking like this. She was always so _happy, _even if she didn't show it, you could feel it. She was strong and brave, not…this.

I start running my hand up and down her toned arms, maybe to offer her some warmth, or maybe to just feel the closeness of her and her smooth skin.

Her voice comes out in a shaky command. "Don't. Touch me."

I put my hands up…okay then. I let out a shaky exhale. What did I do? Okay, so I did cheat on her, and I haven't exactly been nice to her. But…I love her. And tonight, I intend to show her what I mean by that, if she wants it or not. Deep down, I always knew that I craved in more than one way.

I recall the moment I proposed to her. Looking back on it, I wonder what that was all about. Was I bursting with emotion? Did I do it just to satisfy Snow? No…I…wanted to keep her as mine. Permanently.

"Are you okay?" I ask her tentatively. Her behavior is probably due to the nightmare.

She nods.

"What's wrong then?"

She narrows her eyes at me. "You."

"Katniss, I'm sorry. I was so confused…I love you." She takes me in only to scorn me. Or use me as her nightmare repellant.

"Please don't say that, Cato. I know you don't. If you did I…you wouldn't have gone with her. I really liked you. I really did. That's why I was so…_angry_ when I saw you with her. And you didn't even want me back…" Her last words were just distant little sad murmurs. My heart leapt up when she claimed her affections for me…but then died back down as her monologue continued. And that accusation of me not loving her? So untrue. I look at her again, but all I see is a sad little rejected puppy. She was beautiful nonetheless, but the way she held herself was a little less dignified than usual.

"I love you, Katniss."

She only shakes her head.

"Katniss, I _love you," _I almost demand, and I put a little more force behind my words.

She only looks down and away, and her head hangs in a melancholy way.

"Katniss…" I growl, with a low heat in my body. "Katniss, look at me. Look at me, Katniss." I try to calm myself, but my words come out as angry bursts.

She doesn't. She starts to stand up, her arms still wrapped around her, and starts to slowly make her way to the door.

I quickly go after her, And in three quick strides, I pull her to me. We are chest to chest, and I can feel the swell of her bosom pressed up against me. She looks at me and the look in her eyes…it just pierced my heart. I crash my lips against hers, and immediately I feel a bit better. Her mouth is trying to fight me, but I nibble not-so-gently on her bottom lip, causing her to moan. She breaks away.

"Stop, Cato. We can't do this. Just go back to District—"

I cut her off with another kiss, and this one was just to shut her up and just to taste her again. Her mouth was soft against mine but she still wouldn't open her mouth to let me in. I start to lick her outer lips, and she turns her head.

"What?" I ask, breathlessly. I'm afraid by now that my eyes only contain traces of heat and lust. "I'm not going back unless you come with me." I stroke her soft cheek with the back of my hand. After a week of being cooped up, having rampant sex with Annie and being more low-key than usual, I find it amusing that she is squirming to get out of my reach. But it's me that's in control. I could dominate her, easily. Something in my head and my chest tells me to slow down though. So I do.

I nuzzle her softly on her neck, breathing her in. Then I sit back down and set her on my lap with only the blanket and our garments to separate us.

"Okay, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done what I did. And…" I apologize to her, although it was simple and short. But I meant every word of it.

"Sorry?" She cuts me off. "Sorry is just a word. I don't think that you mean anything anymore, because you just dejected everything we've done in a just a few minutes."

"Then what can I do to make you show that I mean something, anything? I want to be the world to you Katniss, I—"

Cut off again. "I knew it. Peeta was better than you in all ways."

Of course. Peeta Mellark. He was the perfect baker boy, the epitome of perfection of Katniss. And oh, is he really better than me in all ways? I think that I'm the better lover here, as I've dreamed of her sweaty body under mine more than I could count. I don't think Bread Boy here as even touched the body of a woman. _A woman. _That's what Katniss is. Her hips were wide, her breasts were full and plump, and her curves were in. She was mature, with a quiet seriousness to her.

"Peeta Mellark…speaking of, did you bring the cat over?" she asks, as if to change the subject. She felt that I was heating up, with either anger or hunger for her.

I guiltily shake my head. The cat was just a mere blur in my mind…what I really was focused on was '_Peeta was better than you in all ways.'_

"How was Peeta better than me?" I ask. I meant for it to sound neutral, maybe a bit sarcastic. But It sounded as if I were spitting poison out of my mouth.

"He was faithful. He loved me. He _cared _about me. He wouldn't leave for anyone or anything. He was strong and he was kind and compassionate. He could paint, not just fight. He could bake, not just train combat skills." She's trying to send me on a guilt trip, but the worst thing was…it was all true. I had to find something that would make me the one on the top, the alpha male.

Peeta Mellark was an innocent little boy. He had older brothers—I know that much. And he loved someone as pure as Katniss. Bakes and paints. Oh, well then…I don't think she's done a dirty deed in his entire life. She shouldn't be too hard to impress…

"I understand,' I say, almost mockingly. Her eyes frost over. "And just how big was his dick?"

That one got a reaction out of her. Her eyes grew big and she opened her mouth only to stammer. I'll just take that as my 'go' sign. I pick her up and out of my lap, and I begin to push my way out of the room. Her fists pound my back, but I figure the pleasure I'll later get from her will make up for it.

"Cato, put me down." Her voice is low and even, wavering in only a few vowels.

I chuckle to myself. I walk down a plain hallway, but surely there is a bed somewhere?

After a few tries, I open a door to find a pristine mattress on a bed frame, with blankets and a few pillows stacked up neatly on the side. This'll do. I drop her onto the bed and immediately pin her down, resting my chest and legs lightly on top of her. I want to be gentle yet in control so she won't get away.

I quickly push away the collar of her shirt and start leaving marks on her—she is mine and will only be mine. I nip at her sensitive skin, and I lavish my tongue over the bites I've made as if to soother her. I feel her groans vibrate at the base of her throat and I lick from her collar bone to her lips. I plant a soft kiss on her flesh, quiet yet provocative.

I start to take off my shirt. I begin to undo my pants, which are restraining my true man powers.

Katniss immediately protests. Shit, this is like a rape scene. No, I don't want that. I want to show her that I can be gentle and delicate. I want to show her how good it can feel. I want to let her know that I can be better than Peeta, that I can dominate, that I care about her. I want to show her that I love her. I stop my hands and leave my belt half undone. It lends some relief to the straining in my pants, but not enough as my pants begin to feel tighter and bulge at almost every second. The sight of Katniss in her _raw _form: lips and cheeks flushed, her eyes hooded, her hair fanned out behind her, her chest heaving and the marks on her neck and shoulders. I'm surprised she didn't bolt right there. I go and press her up against me again, to feel her wriggle and put glorious pressure against the heat down there.

Her eyes pop open once she feels what's pressing against her thighs. Her lower lips trembles, and I capture her for another round of kissing. I nudge her mouth open and slip my tongue in. I try not to be forceful, but she seems too inert, retracting from me. How can I get her to open up?

I should make her feel good.

That should really make her beg for me.

I run my hands up her shirt, hoping they weren't too cold for her sensitive complexion. She was so smooth and warm…I hear Katniss mumble something but I just quiet her: _shh…I promise this will feel amazing…it'll be okay…_

She quiets down a bit but little murmurs and whimpers can still be heard. Does she know how much she turns me on? She seemed to be rejecting my touch yet begging for it at the same time.

I arrive at the soft mass that rest of her chest. I push under her bra and begin to gently knead her. Her breasts were supple, and her nipples erected beneath my palms. She opens her mouth a bit to let out a pleasured sigh. _Good. _I open my palms up to just press my hands against her, squeeze her, to feel her press against the callouses of my hands just to feel more.

I take one hand away but she doesn't seem to notice. I snake my hands down her pants…she gasps. I groan as hips come up to meet mine, grinding against me ever so slightly. She rests her bottom against the bed again as I begin to work my finger in her. She was slick and wet, with a tightness that only a pure virgin could have. And she was _hot. _I feel myself harden again. I'm probably harder than a diamond right now.

I slick my fingers against her folds and I begin to slide them in and out of her. With each round, she seemed to tighten and tighten…I massage her chest again and then I work her sensitive little bead.

Katniss cries out…_there it is. _Her legs shake a bit and I feel warm, wet juices pour out of her, coating my fingers. I take this as the initiation to pull down her pants and take her shirt off. She lets me, and she gets up and off of the bed.

I immediately spring up. I block her only way out of the room.

"Where do you think you're going?" I ask her. My voice has a husky quality to it and it seemed to have dropped about an octave.

"I'm going to the bathroom so I could shower off," she replies, almost out of breath.

"Oh…so you wanna get clean?" I walk towards her and I press my lips softly against hers. She seemed to have melted into me…and she didn't even notice that I snaked my fingers between her legs agains. She gasps, and then I back her up back onto the bed. I probe her soaking wetness.

I go down again on her, licking her in all the places she seemed to be sensitive in. She was wet _so wet. _IT thrilled me that no one else has touched her like this.

Then the real fun began as I licked her slick folds, eliciting sounds that made my dick probably the hardest thing in the world and probably made me the horniest man in the entire universe.

**Katniss POV**

He made me feel…excited. He made me feel good, making me ride out waves and waves of bliss until I finally came down to a satisfying, exploding ending. God, he was so good at this.

I completely lost it as his mouth latched onto me, his tongue flicking in and out, making me lose control in my lower region. His finger massaged me exactly where it made my legs tremble and his finger were so _deep _and so _big. _I try not to press against him, but I find myself wanting more and more. _How is he doing this? It feels so good. _ My back arches and my hips gyrate. I feel him prodding everywhere, making me tingle and my stomach and my body yearn for more.

He leans up again to kiss me on my collarbone. His dick is pressed hard against my leg and his tongue feels so good and my core is on fire…I try to push him off of me but his ministrations make me weak and wanting. I let him continue, so long as he doesn't do anything to dramatic. I'm not about to lose my virginity yet to a heartless man.

I start to sit up. His arm is wrapped across my waist and up my back to support me, and his other hand is teasing my, pinching my clitoris and tweaking me in all the right places. I throw my head back and I soon find a pair of lips pressed against my throat.

I find myself grabbing onto his back and clenching his skin. He moves up so his dick is directly in line with my throbbing, exposed pussy. He grinds against me and the noises coming from me are unstoppable. Cato lets out a groan and breathes heavily against my ear. I find that the pressure isn't enough. I nudge him off of me to rest my hands on the bulge in his pants. I trail my hand into his boxers. His eyes go wide with disbelief as he finds that my fingers are delicately tracing his large cock. His skin was soft, and his tip was wet and warm.

His face goes red and his chest heaves up and down, letting heated blasts of air and groan fly forth from his mouth. I have so much power over him, just in my hands.

And yet I have no idea what I'm doing.

I stroke him a few more times, cupping his ball and running my thumb over his moist tip. I run a finger along the base of his balls and along the underside of his throbbing dick. He seems to like it enough. I run a hand down my legs to pet myself softly.

"Ungh, God stop," he pants out. I pull back and find that his dick is standing straight up, and I back away. It was…huge. Well, he is a large man, with broad shoulders and defined abs and pelvic bones that dip into a nice V…I scramble to the other side of the mattress, deciding that I was done for the day. I've gotten as far as I could allow myself. I catch my breath when Cato comes after, leaping across the bed as he grabs me by the waist and entangles his legs with mine.

I see him push down his pants while his mouth meets mine roughly. He nudges my legs open…

**Cato POV**

Her hands laid soft strokes on me, and I almost felt myself losing it. But no, not yet. I chase after and I open her up. I trace her folds again, spreading around her wetness again. I pump my engorged cock a few times, and then I look at Katniss.

I find that she's looking at me and the hardness between my legs with surprise and fear. She tries to clamp her legs shut but I pry them open, and I align myself with her. By now, I'm unfocused, only zooming in on the heat between my legs and how the tip of my penis is enveloped in it. I could just blow my load right now but…

Katniss is protesting, but her words are vague. "Cato stop. Cato stop, please stop! No Cato…pleeeaaasseee…..stooppp…" I begin to push myself in further and further…past her barrier…tears are forming in the sides of her eyes and they cut across her face like crystal rivers…I wipe them away and kiss her above her open eyes, wide with shock and pain.

"I'm sorry," I quietly whisper. I wait for her to form around me, and she's so wet and slippery and _tight. _This is her first time after all.

Her eyes then shut tightly as she slowly breathes. In and out. "I'm sorry," I whisper again in her ear. "I'm sorry I left you. I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you. I love you."

With that, I push the rest of myself into her, making her gasp and then groan. I pull myself out, then in…then out. Back in. I pick up a furious pace, sliding past her folds and…ruining her. I feel her heavy breath where my neck meets my shoulders. She murmurs for me to stop…but she feels incredible. Soon I'm just pounding into her, my dick appearing and then disappearing between her legs, the loud slap of skin. I make a few guttural groans…and then it's over. She tightens spastically around me, causing me scream out her name. I pull out and then I lie on the bed next to her. I pull up a few blankets from the pile and wrap them around us.

Katniss quickly drifts off into a either a quiet, blissful sleep or a disturbed one. I see that her face is wet, and _Oh God what have I done? _I pull back to see her innocent pure face and I pull back a strand of her brown hair from her face.

I love her. I really do. I pull her to me and rest my head on her back, cradling her and keeping her warm and still.

**Hi Guys…I know, it's been a while and I just wanted to say thank you to all those who've stuck by with me, while I haven't always exactly been there. Thank you thank you thank you! Love you all, even though it might not seem like it…I'll try to update more often!**


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 23**

Baby when I'm yelling at you,

It's not your fault, it's not your fault, yeah and

Baby 'cause I'm crazy for you,

It's not your fault, it's not your fault, yeah and

Maybe I'm a little confused

It's not your fault, it's not your fault

- Not Your Fault (Awolnation)

I wake up to unfamiliar surroundings. It's cold and I'm lonely. Where the hell am I? I notice pristine white sheets and no Katniss…

Shit.

I run my hands through my hair and I heave a big sigh. I reach for the space next to me only to find it cold and unyielding. _Her skin and the sweat. _It felt so good last night but I forgot about anything that would follow after _it. Her breath and the way her hips met mine. _It was so amazing and tantalizing. I already had a hard-on from the thoughts of last night, but when I realize that I practically forced Katniss, it softens a bit to lie against my thigh.

How could I? I probably ruined everything for her. I wish I could take everything back from last night yet relive it all over again. Where is she now? I have to comfort her or something. Apologize. Somehow regain her trust, because I'm pretty sure I lost it. She is probably envisioning me like any other mutt. I have to do…everything for her now. I hop quickly out of the bed to be met with a cold splash of air. I hurry to get some pants on and I make my way to the bathroom. I look into the mirror…and what do I see?

Blue eyes. Perfect, spiky blonde hair. A defined mouth, a Romanesque nose, and an angular jaw. I see perfect abs and hip bones. What am I doing? I am so self-centered, self-absorbed, stupid, shallow…

Okay, clear your head. Where's Katniss? What would you say to her if you found her, possibly in a state of distress? Since when was it so hard to clear my head? I can only think of how hot and tight she was around me and how aroused and sultry she looked. Her lips were swollen, and her chest was heaving….focus, dammit! If you don't focus, I don't think you'll ever see Katniss again in your entire life, Cato.

Katniss likes to hunt. Okay, there's something. She's probably hunting in the meadow. That's a start. I proceed by washing my face and putting on a shirt. I cautiously run up to the door to peek out; the coast is clear. I slip on out, and I think about how Katniss would sneak her way out and into the woods. She must've slipped out when it was dark and when everyone was asleep. So she has been gone for maybe three hours…could she still be in the woods? Or shoot, she could still be back at the house. It was quiet though. I slip back into the warm home.

"Katniss?! Katnniiiiiiisssss!" I wait for some sort of sound but I don't hear anything. The fridge is humming and the curtains rustle against the floor, but other than that, I can't hear much. I quickly run in and do a checkup of the house. I slam every door open, and I scan each room. I flip up covers, peek behind closets, and I just hope that I'll find Katniss somewhere. I decide that Katniss isn't home once I see that this is an empty house. Oh God…

I slip back outside. Now where are the woods? I scoot out a bit and inch my way to the first step. I don't see anything…I keep my head down low and I jog quickly to the side of the Victor's Village street. I take a left and I go to what I assume is the fence.

I jog for a bit keeping my chin tucked in so no one would recognize me, and I see a high metal link fence going high above my head. A few signs are posted about an electric current running through but the metal sits quietly, waving softly in the breeze. Here goes everything…

I scan the chain link fence for some kind of chink in the armor. I find a section that was slashed, and I pull it back. It left a nice, if not snug, body space for me to slip through.

By now, I am out of my mind. What if I don't find Katniss? Will I have to live forever as some passionless miser? What if Katniss never wants to see me again? I jog quickly around in circles searching for any signs of her. I repeated her name over and over again in hushed tones but I wasn't getting any sort of response. I didn't know where I was going; I just had to find the fence if I wanted to go home, right? It didn't matter how far I had to go for her.

I peek out into the space between the trees. The sky was turning into a nice pink, like the color of Katniss' cheeks when she's out of breath…why is it that Katniss can always escape? She's always running away from me. Why is it so hard to be good? Why can't I be like Peeta? What the hell is wrong with me? I slam my fist into a tree trunk. The pain is brief, although searing. Whatever. I'll just head home and I'll look for her tomorrow.

So what do I do then? Be nice? Don't be so forward? I know I should back off but it's hard because my hormones are going crazy whenever I'm around her. I lift up the fence and I head out of the forest. I do a quick jog to Victor's Village, sticking to the shadows.

District 12 is a lot different from 2. It's more…quaint. It's almost rustic. It's a little out-dated and under-developed in some areas, but it doesn't remind me of home and that's good. It only reminds me of Katniss.

I walk a bit further. I rub my arms briskly; the wind was picking up. Okay, so Katniss has left me once again. Or rather, I pushed her away. I turn the corner and I find myself at Katniss' home.

I notice that a bedroom light is on. Wait a minute…I rush to the door and I wiggle the handle. It's unlocked! I barge in to run across the entrance. I fly up the stairs to look for the source of light. A white wooden door is slightly ajar. I push it open to find…

…Katniss. Yes, she's here. I exhale a breath of relief while running my hands through my hair. I close my eyes. Yes, she's safe. Katniss looks up at me unexpectedly but I rush up to her to hold her in my arms. She'd as stiff as a board, but I hug her tight to me, never wanting to let her go.

I pick her up while in the embrace, I twirl her, and then I set her down.

"I'm sorry Katniss."

"Cato…I…"

"Sh, Katniss, let's just go to bed. I'm tired."

She doesn't budge but I head for a bed anyways. I strip off my shirt and fall to. I sense her following me and she lies down next to me.


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 24**

I felt strangely stiff and paralyzed. I inhale deeply to find myself smelling something familiar—the woods and musk. Musk? It was a nice, cologne smell—I pop my eyes open and I notice that I'm constricted by the massive arms of Cato. His baby-soft arms press my chest against his, making him a little too close for comfort.

I try to wiggle my way out, but even in his sleep Cato likes to keep a tight embrace on me. I lay there thinking.

Yesterday, I just wanted to get more provisions as we were running out of things to eat. I left early in the morning, like I usually do. I pondered about _that _night while sitting on a log, peaceful. I half-expected Gale to pop out of nowhere and with a belt full of fat rabbits, but it was Tuesday. And Gale isn't really…involved with me anymore. A soft tear rolled down my cheek and I grew misty-eyed, but it was only a phase.

It is true that Cato did force himself upon me. But we were already intimate—we knew each other's most tender spots, our interests, our common fears and darkest secrets. While he did push himself onto me, overall, it felt…good. I don't think I've ever felt anything that…heavenly. At first, Cato seemed to be mad with lust, only wanting to press his unwanted attention onto me. That was uncomfortable. But he slowly loosened me up and I felt…better. I was scared when he made me go further than I wanted to, but the end results seemed to justify what he did during the process. I was still a bit frightened though, and for my first time, it wasn't the most tender experience.

It was such a strange night last night, when Cato wasn't home and I was just sitting there, wondering what happened to him. And then…he's there. He comes in and hugs me tightly. I was about to ask him where he was, when he puts a finger on my lips and carries me to bed. I recall lying there for a solid fifteen minutes in his arms, and then I fall into a troubled sleep. At least there were no nightmares.

I uncomfortably shift in his arms and I realize that I'm growing hot and sticky with sweat as our legs are entwined and a heavy blanket covered us. I try to kick the blanket off, but it only budges to the side leaving a small gap of air to hit my lower calves and ankles.

Cato starts to stir a bit and I give him a soft nudge. I tilt my face up and I see his bright blue eyes open up, like spring flowers. His blonde hair was spiked in an innocent way. I could only think of not facing him. The events from the last two nights made it hard for me to look at him. To my surprise, he lifts up my face and plants a soft kiss, capturing my lower lip for a tease.

I turn away, casting my eyes elsewhere. How can he not get it? He abandoned me and then he's all over me. He knows that he forced me and yet he's trying to be loving. I can only _be _there, and smile meekly. I let out a huge puff of air as I exhale; Cato let me go as he leaned back to stretch and yawn. The only time I could face him was when he wasn't looking. I could then admire his beautiful form. But that's all there was to him. Peeta was beautiful _and _kind, talented, modest…I could go on and on while Cato was only brute force and good looks.

I decide to depart from the bed and freshen up. I brush my teeth and then I strip down to take a quick shower. After I was done, I step out and I cover my back with a fluffy towel. I begin combing my hair when I hear the door open.

I turn around and there he is, wearing nothing but his birthday suit. I turn away quickly.

"Sorry, I didn't know you were still in here." He had a hushed but concise quality to his voice.

"Um. It's okay?" Our exchange of words sounded choppy and blocked out—it was unnatural.

"So where were you yesterday?"

"I was out hunting."

"Oh. Okay. I was—um—worried about you." I remain silent, unsure of what to say in response.

I think of a quick reply, related to the subject we were on. "So where were _you_ yesterday?"

"I was out. I was wondering where you were."

An awkward silence ensues. We hear the appliances hum down stairs and Cato steps into the shower. A satisfying, loud rumble of water breaks the block of silence. Cato shuts the curtain behind him and he proceeds to shower. I quickly slip out before he could say another word.

I quietly mull over my thoughts in the kitchen. I take a bite of cold rabbit that I briefly roasted last night, but my life is so…empty. Of all the places, I'm stuck here, hiding in one of the saddest, most bare house. Not to mention my only contact is this self-absorbed insane killing machine. And, I'm a coward, running away from my problems and hiding from Snow and the Capitol. I wish for an ordinary life. One with someone who cares about me and one where I don't always have to please some other audience just for the sake of my life and my family's life.

I hear the shower shut off. I stay in the kitchen, frozen. What am I doing with myself? I'm a mess. I shake my hair out and then I braid it, the motions familiar to me. It was almost nostalgic, making me think of the perfect life I had before that I could never achieve again. I then just sit there, poised and silent staring out to a random point in the air. Muffled sounds are heard—Cato walking around, probably getting dressed. I take this all in. The blank walls. The silence of the house. The drab gray that seemed to shade everything outside.

And then I cried. I weeped into the crook of my arm, trying to mute my heaves and wails. My life is a lie. There's nothing left here for me. I wish for a moment where I can understand myself. I wish that I could reverse everything and just be anywhere but here—this wretched place.

I feel a strong hand on my shoulder and I immediately freeze. Christ, why now Cato, why now? I feel my diaphragm tense up and nearly become paralyzed. My muscles become rigid and there's a bottomless pit in my empty stomach. Cato just doesn't get it. I don't want to be near him. I want to go…home. And I'm almost home—Prim and Mother are just in the next house over. But what then? That's not very fulfilling. I don't want to just going back to my family to hide and live my life like that.

"Cato, don't touch me."

"Why?" He replies almost as if he is out of breath. His words are terse and pained. Good…

"If you haven't noticed, I don't like you very much. Go back to that Annie person that you liked so much."

"No. I won't." His voice came out strongly at first, but then his bravado faded as there were trembles in his voice.

I turn to slowly face him, tears of sorrow now cutting angry streaks down my face. "You don't get it do you? The one time I've had something good in my life—Peeta—dies. I realized that he was the _only _person I could ever love and care about. And then _you _come into my life, destroying everything! _Everything!" _ I was quivering by now and I couldn't contain anything. I was a sobbing mess.

Cato's face turns into a soft shade of heated red. He calmly takes long strides over to me and soon his closeness was making me uncomfortable. He hissed every word into my face: "No. _You _don't get it. I had to spend everyday at home feeling sorry for myself and getting abused. I didn't have anyone like you had Gale. I was alone and then Annie came into my life. Do you know how hard it is to go most of your childhood being neglected is? And then you're in the Hunger Games, and you were the most beautiful person I've ever laid my eyes on. And then you turn me away. And you know what? I'm sick of this. Don't you think I'm heartless for a reason? I'm tired of always being turned away and rejected. I'm tired of not being loved, even though I try to give all I have. Fine. If you want me to leave, I'll go."

I can only stand there, stunned to my very core. An intense electrifying feeling washes over me like a District 4 surf would wash over the pristine white-sand beaches.

"No."

Holy shit. Where did that come from?

Cato turns around with a maelstrom burning in his eyes. Why did I say that? I've cared for Cato but he's proven false. I stand up quickly to face him. I have to think of something quick. I don't want him anymore, but yet I want him to stay? I _need _him to stay? Okay, work with that.

Then I have it. I want him to stay because Snow will kill our friends and family if the star-crossed lovers broke apart.

'Cato, we need to stay together for our family and friends. You know what Snow will do if we don't. We have to keep the…the…romance alive." _Liar liar liar. You want him here because you still want the warmth of his body. _

He only nods. He stares at me hard with cased eyes, narrowed to the point where his icy blue eyes look grey. "Katniss, I'm tired. I want you to know that this relationship, no matter how rocky it is, isn't for Snow or the capitol."

He had my attention now. I hold his gaze as he continues. _What? _I felt the heat of his gaze—it felt as if I was standing in a flame.

"Look, if you want this relationship to work out…it'll have to be for us. I don't want it to be for them. What if…what if I want it to be real? To do this for us? To start another life?"

_What is he saying? _I find myself falling back into the chair behind me. Do I want this to be real? Do I want to replace Peeta with Cato? Would I really want to spend the rest of my life with him?

"Cato, I—"

"Shh. Just let it be Katniss. I'm tired of running. I'm tired of being scared and hurt. When you were gone, I was going out of my head, looking for you. Just be with me Katniss. I want you. And if you can't be my lover or partner. Be my friend. Because a friend is all I need."

I find myself involuntarily nodding. _Let's be best friends then. _Cato had a soft side, and I guess I finally wrung it out of him.

**AN: So what do you think? I wanted an emotional chapter this time, not an action one. Please review! Thanks guys for sticking with me!**


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